Guest blog by Ryan Strandjord, Executive Director, Minnewood.com

The Minneapolis St. Paul International Film Festival runs from April 15 through the 30th. The Revenant, a zombie buddy comedy, screens at the festival on Saturday April 24th at 11:15pm and Monday, April 26th at 9:45pm.

Being that this title is included in the late-night film series of the upcoming Minneapolis/Saint Paul International Film Festival, I figured I was in for something different. This movie has been billed as a “zombie buddy comedy with political overtones,” and it certainly doesn’t disappoint.

The first ten minutes are quite bland. Most of it takes place during and after the funeral of a soldier killed in Iraq. But after you get through all the sobbing, the movie takes off. The deceased, Bart (David Anders), rises from his grave and goes to the apartment of his obnoxious best-friend Joey (Chris Wylde). Naturally Joey is freaked out about seeing his friend in his living room smelling like death and rotting like roadkill. But after a tense moment, and few smashes on the head with a baseball bat, Bart is accepted as back from the dead. It’s during this interaction where the movie finally finds its feet and the laughs begin to roll.

Joey promises to keep Bart’s reemergence a secret from everyone, especially Bart’s grief stricken girlfriend Janet (Louise Griffiths). Bart is nearly the same person he was before he died, except he smells terrible, his eyes are hideous, and he rapidly decomposes unless he has a steady intake of blood and/or flesh. The buddies take to Joey’s 1979 Camaro (complete with surf board on the roof) and search the town for an answer to his hunger. They try a few different sources (with hilarious results), and without giving too much away they eventually become known as the “vigilante gun slingers.”

Technically this movie is quite sound. It was shot on 35mm and each and every scene is lit to maintain the other worldliness of the film’s story. If I had one gripe to make about the film, it’s the de-emphasis on the love plot. Janet disappears for long portions of the film, but is referred to as an important character in several scenes, and really should spend more time on screen. The ending is a bit absurd, but neither of these strikes against make this film anything but a joy to watch. It’s a fresh take on the zombie genre where the hero himself is the zombie, and he and his best pal have to do what they can to ensure he survives, so their party together can live on.

The film is playing Saturday April 24th at 11:15pm, and again on Monday April 26th at 9:45pm. If you’re into zombies, buddy films, or vigilante justice, this movie is for you. Bring your friends too. It’s a great movie to relive over a drink after viewing.

Advance tickets available on MSPIFF’s website.

Hello everyone and welcome to the weekend.  We have 7 new films being released!  I only saw three.  They were COP OUT, THE CRAZIES and 44 INCH CHEST.  I didn’t get a chance to see MY NAME IS KHAN (opening at the Maple Grove theater).  There are also three 2009 films finally coming here that I also didn’t get to see: THE SECRETS OF JONATHAN PERRY (at LAKEVILLE), Werner Herzog’s MY SON MY SON WHAT HAVE YE DONE, and THE SUN (both at ST. Anthony)  I wish I could’ve seen those but I wasn’t given any screeners, so my apologies.  Now, let’s get to the films I did see and I’ll let you know if there’s anything worth going to the theater for this weekend.

WHAT and WHAT NOT to see
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HIGHLY RECOMMENDED :

44 INCH CHEST [R] – From the writers of SEXY BEAST comes this wickedly delicious British treat about a gangster (Ray Winstone) whose wife has been cheating on him.  His best friends (Dave Legeno, Tom Wilkinson, Ian McShane and an absolutely brilliant John Hurt) kidnap the “other man”, tie him up and bring him to an abandoned building for Winstone to kill.  Most of the movie takes place in one room, which makes it seem a little like a play.  But this movie is alot of fun.  I loved the profanity laced dialogue, the quirky sense of humor, and the tension filled interrogation scenes.  The best part of this movie was the chemistry between McShane’s sarcastic gay man and John Hurt’s homophobic jerk.  The interplay between them was priceless.  It’s kind of surreal and the payoff is much different than you might expect, but I had a terrific time.  If you love British gangster films, this is the one for you.  – ***1/2 (out of ****)
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CHECK IT OUT:

THE CRAZIES [R] – Wow!  A horror remake that’s actually good?  Yup!  I just watched the original merely hours before attending the screening for this one, so I had alot to compare it to.  While I enjoyed the original, this remake is almost entirely different.  Sure, the premise is still vaguely there (people in a small town go nuts, and try to kill each other while the army comes in to quarantine the place), but the approach here is the exact opposite of Romaro’s 1973 cult classic.  Even though there are cardboard characters and director Eisner creates one too many obvious “boo” moments, the film ended up being fairly entertaining.  For what it’s trying to accomplish (to scare the shit out of people), it succeeds.  There’s lots of great tension-filled atmosphere, some thrilling set pieces (the car wash scene, the nail through the hand scene, and the hospital scene) and the performances are solid (Timothy Olyphant is actually kind of likable?  Weird!).  There’s even a few compelling character moments toward the end, especially with Joe Anderson.  This isn’t as good as another virus movie that came out last year called THE CARRIERS.  That movie was more character driven.  This one just wants to be violent, gory, and scary.  And it succeeds at being just that.  Horror fans will love it.  Others need not apply.  – *** (out of ****)
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NOT THAT GOOD:

COP OUT [R] – I know exactly what Kevin Smith was going for with this movie.  He wanted to create the same kind of buddy cop action comedy that you would have found in the mid-80’s, like RUNNING SCARED, STAKEOUT, or 48 HRS.  Unfortunately, it ends up being more like LOOSE CANNONS or FLASHBACK.  Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan actually make a pretty good team.  Willis gives a free spirited and infectiously fun performance as a hard nosed cop.  Morgan is funny about 60% of the time.  When he improvises way too much is when he becomes annoying.  Smith should have dialed him back.  Not all the time, just occasionally.  Smith has a tough time with most of the action scenes, with the exception of the final violent shoot out, which was alot of fun.  There are lots of cop movie references (love the DIE HARD one), and even STAR WARS references (this is a Kevin Smith movie after all).  This movie actually could have worked if it wasn’t for Sean William Scott’s absolutely UNFUNNY performance.  He was so fucking annoying that I wanted to jump into the screen and personally rip out his throat with my bare hands.  Every facial expression and vocal fluctuation is beyond cringe-inducing.  Everyone else in the movie knows that it’s an homage to 80’s cop films, but Scott is acting like he’s in DUDE WHERE’S MY CAR.  Wrong approach!  Also, there are too many scenes where it just seems like the actors are riffing for like 2 minutes after the scene should have ended.  This could have been cut down by at least 15 minutes.  COP OUT started off halfway decent, but ended up derailed by some major pacing issues and Scott’s razzie-worthy performance.  That last scene made me groan out loud!  On a separate note: Composer Harold Faltermeyer (who was responsible for FLETCH, BEVERLY HILLS COP, TANGO & CASH) who hasn’t made a score in 18 years, makes a welcome return with a retro 80’s synth score that was just perfect.  Too bad it wasn’t for a better movie.  – ** (out of ****)
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The one to see this weekend is 44 INCH CHEST at Lagoon.  Horror fans won’t want to miss THE CRAZIES.  But COP OUT was a failed attempt to capture the magic of 80’s action comedies.  Skip that one.  Instead, here are a few movies from the genre to rent instead: 48 HRS, STAKEOUT, RUNNING SCARED (1986), SHAKEDOWN, DEAD HEAT, MIDNIGHT RUN, THE ROOKIE (1990), TANGO & CASH.

That’s it for now!

Take Care!!

Be Geeky!!!

And watch movies!!!!

As a filmmaker, either documentary and narrative, there are certain times when you are forced for some reason to shoot with available light and in those situations there are most certainly times when that light is too low for your desired shots. This typically leads to grainy, noisy video. So, what is a shooter to do when they just have to have the shot or the editor isn’t provided a better shot to work with? Use NeatVideo and clean it up! This $100 plugin is worth its weight in gold (or hard drive storage or RED gear or something more valuable than $100) and really can produce stunning results on footage you may consider unusable. It takes render time, of course, to clean up all that noise and grain you wish to eliminate, but the results are well worth it. And, unlike some other solutions I’ve seen in reducing noise, NeatVideo does an amazing job at retaining details and can even sharpen up your video very nicely. Take a look at this sample video I made of two noisy night-time shots (download the original clip from Vimeo to really see the details) and I think you’ll be convinced like I was (I am not affiliated with NeatVideo, just love their product).

Demo of NeatVideo plugin from Jeremy Wilker on Vimeo.

Hello everyone and welcome to the weekend.  I have an important announcement to make!

Bad News:  I’ve been doing the weekend round-up since July and I love doing it!  Unfortunately, I am sad to announce that I will not be doing full reviews anymore.  At least for awhile.  You see, besides being a full time critic, I am also a filmmaker.  Since each review I write takes at least an hour to type up, it eats up alot of my time, since I’m also a single dad.  I have written a screenplay and plan on shooting a trailer for it so I can shop that around to investors to get funding.  So I must prepare the script (rewrites), structure the trailer, get a crew together, scout locations, cast, and finally shoot the trailer.  This is going to take up most of my time.

Good News:  I am still going to see everything but I am restructuring my weekend round-up.  Instead of full reviews, I will be telling you what to see and what not to see in different categories.  They are:  DON’T MISS, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED, CHECK IT OUT, WAIT FOR THE DVD, NOT HORRIBLE BUT NOT GOOD EITHER, DON’T BOTHER, and AVOID AT ALL COSTS.  Every film will have a summary that is about a few sentences long.  So you will still be getting my opinion, just not 10 paragraphs long.

So there you have it.  Now, let’s get started with this week’s line up.  We have three 2010 movies: FROM PARIS WITH LOVE, DEAR JOHN and FROZEN.  We also have two 2009 films THE LAST STATION and THAT EVENING SUN.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see THAT EVENING SUN, but I will let you know if the other four are any good.

WHAT and WHAT NOT to see:

CHECK IT OUT:

DEAR JOHN [PG -13] – This heavy handed romance starring Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried is actually pretty well made, thanks to the sharp direction by Lasse Hallstrom.  It also helps that Richard Jenkins gives a quiet memorable performance as Tatum’s autistic father.  It’s the definition of a chick flick and people that hate these kinds of movies will be groaning throughout.  But it’s perfect for the target audience.  There’s great chemistry between the two leads and it’s surprisingly well done, with the exception of an ending that didn’t ring true.  *** (out of ****)

FROZEN [R] – A thriller about 3 college kids stuck on a ski lift for a week with a pack of wolves circling them below.  The first 20 minutes are kind of rough.  The acting by one of the main characters is pretty bad, and the contrived dialogue didn’t help. But if you stick with it, the film ends up being very chilling and suspenseful.  The last 15 minutes are unrelenting, and the acting does get better, especially by Emma Bell.  Most horror fans will probably dig this more than me.  It’s not perfect, but the mood of the movie will stick with you for awhile, and in my book that’s fairly successful.  *** (out of ****)

THE LAST STATION [R] – Great acting across the board in this Period piece about the last days of War & Peace author Leo Tolstoy.  Helen Mirren and Christopher Plummer are definitely worthy of their Oscar Nominations, but James McAvoy and Paul Giamatti also turn in fine performances.  The story, which focuses on the relationship between Tolstoy and his wife, is involving, though it may have one too many characters.  I wish it would have been told through Plummer’s point of view instead of McAvoy’s, but it’s a minor gripe in a film filled with great acting.  *** (out of ****)
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WAIT FOR THE DVD:

FROM PARIS WITH LOVE [R] – This was alot better than I thought it was going to be, but it’s still not great.  Jonathan Rhys Meyers is decent enough, but Travolta is distractingly miscast.  He seems to be having fun with his character Charlie Wax, a loose cannon on a mission to stop some terrorists, so he did kind of grow on me.  He does get to say ” Royale with Cheese”.  Some of the action is kind of fun, but once too often director Pierre Morel butchers the action by having way too many cuts, making it kind of confusing.  There also wasn’t enough time to get to know the two leads, making their relationship meaningless.  There were a couple of surprises toward the end and it does kind of have a bloody, joyous body count that made me smile on occasion, but the movie still had too many wrinkles to iron out.  **1/2 (out of ****)

That’s it for now!

Take Care!!

Be Geeky!!!

And watch movies!!!!

Sorry that it’s taken me so long, but finally I present you with my favorite films of 2009!  There were many films I dug this year, in fact I gave 12 films four stars, which is unusual for me.  It took me a long time to put this list together, and now I am eager to show you.  But first, here are 10 runner-ups that didn’t quite make my list, in alphabetical order:
(500) DAYS OF SUMMER
A CHRISTMAS CAROL
THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX
THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL
THE MESSENGER
MOON
UP
UP IN THE AIR
WATCHMEN
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

All of those films are fantastic and definitely worth checking out.  But there were 10 other flicks that I enjoyed even more!  So without further ado, here is…

The Film Geek’s TOP 10 FILMS OF 2009!!!

10. ZOMBIELAND – This movie may have been the most pure unadulterated fun I had in the theater all year.  I saw it with a full house and everyone was hootin’ and hollerin’.  It’s expertly directed by first timer Ruben Fleischer, with wonderful comic performances from Jesse Eisenberg and Woody Harrelson.  It also features the best cameo of the decade!  Lots of zombie action and gore, freakin’ hilarious, and just plain fun.  My favorite crowd experience of the year.

9. ANTICHRIST – The most disturbing (and disgusting) film of the year is also one of the most beautiful.  Director Lars Von Trier leaves it up to you to interpret the story for yourself, which I loved.  Charlotte Gainsbourg gives a haunting performance and has some of the most unforgettable images I have ever seen.  The opening sequence is outstanding and the final half hour is unrelenting.  Not for the faint of heart, but this dark journey is worth taking.

8. A SERIOUS MAN – I’m a huge Coen Brothers fan, so I was pleased to see them back in form.  This may be their most inaccessible film for mainstream audiences, but it features an Oscar worthy comic performance by Michael Stuhlbarg, Roger Deakins precise camera work, and a strangely kooky script.  The movie pretends to be about nothing, but the more you think about it, it’s about everything!  The ending is very poignant, and a little disturbing.  It’s one of those movies that sticks with you as time goes on, just like most of the Coen’s films.  A Triumphant return!

7. THE BROTHERS BLOOM – I loved this affectionate buddy/con artist movie.  Rachel Weisz is hysterical as a crazy loon who collects hobbies.  Director Rian Johnson proves that his brilliant first feature BRICK was no fluke (though this one is quite different).  His sense of style is on full blast and it’s just a terrific movie, with a playful tone that’s missing from most movies these days.  I left the theater smiling.

6. PAPER HEART – My favorite visual effect this year was Charlyne Yi, the star of this mockumentary.  From the moment she appears on screen and gives us her goofy, awkward half-smile, I fell in love.  The movie is also terrific which has many insights on relationships as told from stories by real couples.  It’s charming, inventive, and very involving.  I cried in this one.

5. THE ROAD – An extremely bleak film that doesn’t compromise one thing.  Viggo Mortensen gives a heart wrenching performance.  Director John Hillcoat creates a dark tone and doesn’t let up through the whole picture.  The way Viggo is determined to protect his son at any cost really struck a chord with me.  It’s an emotionally gruelling post-apocalyptic tale, but ultimately rewarding.

4. SIN NOMBRE – This movie came out of nowhere for me.  I had no expectations, but this Mexican crime drama about a gang member on the run and helps a family trying to cross the U.S. border, is fantastic.  Young filmmaker Cary Fukunaga makes an unforgettable debut.  The direction is bold and very assured.  This guy knows what he’s doing!  The story is about as compelling as it gets, and you never quite know where it’s going.  At first it starts off like your typical “gang” film, but it turns out to be so much more than that.  The suspense is almost unbearable because you genuinely care for the characters.  Quite an accomplishment!

3. ANVIL: THE STORY OF ANVIL – This documentary about a metal band from the 80’s got to me more emotionally than any other film this year.  These guys never got famous even though they played with acts like METALLICA and MEGADETH.  They’re determination is very inspiring.  They never quit, which means they gave up many opportunities to settle down.  I know so many people that have given up on their dreams and to just see these guys trying (after 30 years) brought tears to my eyes. Even though they are failing, their spirits are still strong.  I’m a struggling filmmaker trying to get by raising my daughter, and I’m never going to give up my dream, even if I’m an old man, and seeing these guys made me want to try even harder.  It doesn’t matter if you never make it as long as you never give up.  It’s heartbreaking and inspiring.  The final scene is amazing!  I loved this movie so much!  I can’t recommend it enough.  You don’t even need to be a fan of the music.  It’s a must see for aspiring artists everywhere!

2. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS – I love Quentin Tarantino, and even though this is the first film he has ever made that wasn’t number 1 on my end of year list, it’s still awesome!  He is my favorite working director today because he’s just a giant film geek.  I love looking for all the movie references in his films.  This WWII tale has excellent performances, especially from Christoph Waltz as Hans Landa.  Everything from the production design, to the Cinematography, to the script, to Quentin’s choice in music (loved the cue from KELLY’S HEROES) is perfect.  Everything is carefully thought out.  This is truly the work of a master craftsman.

1. BLACK DYNAMITE – Those who know me won’t be surprised by this, but for the rest of you, let me explain.  I am a huge Blaxploitation fan.  BLACK BELT JONES and TRUCK TURNER are amongst my favorite films of all time!  This movie is a loving homage and spoof to those films, especially JONES.  Michael Jai White IS Black Dynamite.  It’s a brilliant comic performance that’s played completely straight.  It even looks like it was made in the 70’s.  The production design is uncanny, the music is perfect, and the sound effects are right on!  Even when the movie gets completely nuts at the end, it’s extremely fun.  I’ve seen it 3 times now and it gets better every time I see it.  This movie has countless in-jokes, like White hitting his head on a boom mic, or an actor walking off the set cause he got hit for real.  Easily the funniest film of the year and possibly the decade.  I love it when a film has this much passion for cinema history.  The attention to detail was amazing.  These filmmakers did their homework. It’s just a complete blast!  BLACK DYNAMITE was my favorite film of 2009 and is simply a film geek’s delight!

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That’s it for now!

Stay tuned for my most anticipated films of 2010!

Hello and welcome to the weekend!  This week we have 2 new 2010 films (THE BOOK OF ELI, THE SPY NEXT DOOR) and 2 2009 films (THE LOVELY BONES, CRAZY HEART) that are just coming to MN.  Let’s take a look…

The Hughes Brothers took so long to make another film since their last, most people have forgotten about them.  They exploded onto the scene back in 1993 with the incredible MENACE II SOCIETY, then followed that up with DEAD PRESIDENTS.  Both were great.  Regrettably, I never saw their next two: the Documentary AMERICAN PIMP and FROM HELL ( I do have that one at home, though).  After nearly 9 years, they return with THE BOOK OF ELI.

Denzel Washington plays Eli, a Sunglasses wearing loner who walks across a post-apocalyptic world, populated with low lifes and cannibals.  He also has excellent fighting skills, which are displayed early on in a breathtaking knife fight.  Eli comes to a rundown town looking for water and supplies.  The “mayor” of the town, Carnegie (Gary Oldman), finds out that Eli has a certain book in his possession and wants it for his own selfish plans to take over the world.  They hint early on as to what the book actually is, so it’s not really a secret, but I won’t spoil it for you here, though it’s pretty easy to figure out.  Eli must protect the book at all costs as he travels West to find the right place to bring it to.  Along for the ride is a young woman named Solara (Mila Kunis), who helps Eli on his journey.

When I saw the trailer last summer, I thought the action looked very choppy, so I was curious to see how it would look in the finished film.  I suspected that the pacing and the action scenes were going to feel much different in the actual movie (since usually the Hughes Bros have a more distinct style)… and I was right. There is hardly any talking for the first 10 minutes or so.  Eli comes across a group of hijackers and takes them out as the camera stays in one place, capturing the whole fight in one single shot.  Well choreographed and executed.

The pacing through the whole movie is perfect.  This isn’t one of those hip action films that have to cut every 2 seconds.  The brothers like to take their time, letting the camera slowly dolly across the bleak, desaturated landscape.  The 4 action scenes in the movie are brief, but skillfully directed.  There’s one that has Washington lopping off heads in a bar, but my favorite is a sequence that has Eli and Solara holed up in an old house as Carnegie and his men unload several rounds at them.  This is done by having about five, 30 second shots digitally edited together to make it look like one shot.  Brian DePalma first did this trick in the opening scene from SNAKE EYES, and the Hughes Brothers pull this technique off brilliantly.  It’s nice to see filmmakers care how their films are made.

The story is also really good, though at times it becomes borderline preachy.  I did love the idea of the film, however.  Eli is a fun character to root for, kind of like Charles Bronson from Sergio Leone’s ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST.  In fact, this is very much a western, from the lonesome stranger to the dusty old town run my Carnegie.  There’s even a showdown in the middle of a street that looked straight out of A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS.

Despite being well directed, there are a few problems.  When the plot is actually revealed, it becomes pretty far fetched.  There’s also a revelation at the end that is so unbelievable that you will either reject it or go with it.  Since the film was so well made, I decided to just say “Fuck it!”, and went with it.  But when I thought back to earlier scenes, I found myself not really buying the BIG reveal.

Also, the movie wants to be two things.  It wants to be a fun action movie like THE ROAD WARRIOR, but it also wants to be a thoughtful, arty movie like THE ROAD.  And by trying to be both, I think the movie shortchanges either of those approaches, kind of canceling each other out.  It’s an odd fit,  but again, the movie has so many cool film geek moments that I forgave most of it’s problems.

Washington makes a great, kick-ass, tough but calm and cool hero.  It’s not as showy as many of his other roles, it’s much more subtle and all the more effective for it.  Finally, Gary Oldman is not sleepwalking through a role!  He’s fantastic as the sleazy Carnegie, slithering through every line of dialogue.  It’s not as over the top as his work in THE PROFESSIONAL or THE FIFTH ELEMENT, but he’s very creepy in a more quieter way, and just as dangerous.  Great Job!  I’ve never really been a fan of Mila Kunis, but she’s really good here as Solara.  This is also the best I’ve ever seen her look.  I don’t know what it is, but I usually like actresses when they’re not all made up, but dirtied up.  Call me Crazy.  Jennifer Beals plays Solara’s blind mother, who is controlled by Carnegie.  She’s very good, though I though her part could have been expanded upon.  Ray Stevenson (PUNISHER: WARZONE) plays Carnegie’s main henchman and he’s solid.  Michael Gambon has fun in a pretty brief cameo.  And of course, Tom Waits is fantastic as the owner of a general store in the small town.  Hopefully this means he’ll be in more films.

The Hughes Brothers are back!  Their sure-handed direction saves this movie from being too melodramatic.  I hope they don’t wait as long to make their next film.  In fact, give these guys a Marvel Superhero film to do.  I actually think they should have been the first choice to direct a PUNISHER film.  Think about it.  They would be perfect for that.  Even a Luke Cage/Power Man film would be great.  Or how about BLACK PANTHER?  Just sayin’.

If you’re sick of all those hip, quick-cutting action films, then you’re in for a treat.  This is a slow-paced, awesomely directed, post-apocalyptic action tale.  With this and DAYBREAKERS, this is turning out to be a pretty kick-ass January!

I love Jackie Chan!  I discovered him a little later than most hardcore fans.  The first one I saw was RUMBLE IN THE BRONX, and I loved it!  I immediately began to import his Hong Kong films from the 70’s-80’s (this was before they were re-released in the U.S.) and loved most of them.   My favorites are MY LUCKY STARS, WHEELS ON MEALS, YOUNG MASTER, POLICE STORY, and DRAGONS FOREVER.  I even liked some of the 90’s movies too, like OPERATION CONDOR (ARMOUR OF GOD II), SUPERCOP (POLICE STORY III), and MR. NICE GUY.  These films are full of energetic, well constructed fight scenes and stunts, with lots of humor!

Then, he started making movies in Hollywood.  Since U.S. insurance companies won’t let him do outrageous stunts, most of the action in these movies were watered down.  For example: compare the first RUSH HOUR movie with anything he did before that.  Disappointing.  Not that they were all bad.  I did like both SHANGHAI NOON and SHANGHAI KNIGHTS, but mostly because of the humor and not the fights, though KNIGHTS does boast the best action out of his American made films.

Now, he releases his latest Hollywood film, THE SPY NEXT DOOR.  It’s Chan’s attempt at a family comedy.  He plays Bob Ho, a very successful International spy.  We see just how good he as the film opens with him defeating a silly villain.  This was supposedly his last mission and now wants to retire.  He lives next door to a cute MILF named Gillian (Amber Valletta), who has three children.  Bob has actually been dating her for awhile and now wants to take it a step further, since he’s recently retired.  In a convenient plot device, Gillian has to go away because of a family emergency, and now Bob must take care of the kids.  Of course, he’s not very good at it and the kids hate him at first.  But when the silly villain escapes prison and tracks Chan down, he must protect the kids, whom have no clue he’s a spy (neither does Gillian).

Director Brian Levant is known for directing JINGLE ALL THE WAY, THE FLINTSTONES, PROBLEM CHILD 2, SNOW DOGS, ARE WE THERE YET? and the recent made for TV SCOOBY-DOO film.  I think his resume sums this movie up just fine.  It’s like a REALLY bad TV movie.  There is not one good shot in this movie.  Everything is directed with a certain sloppiness that would make even Uwe Boll blush.

I am so embarrassed that Chan is in this routine and uninspired movie.  He’s in his mid-50’s and it shows.  When the film opens with this supposed great action scene, I even noticed that he had a double during some shots (of course Chan is known for doing his own stunts).  The fights are poorly choreographed, and they aren’t directed well either.  Levant has no clue how to direct action.  He tries editing fast, but that’s not how you do it.  Just watch Chan’s 80’s films.  Lots of mastershots so you can see how awesome the fighting is. Not that hard to figure out.

The comedy is terrible, which mostly relies on the kids being too cute.  All three kid actors are awful.  It really is some of the worst kid acting I’ve see in a theatrical film.  They all struggle through their lines as if they’re reading from cue cards.  Billy Ray Cyrus plays Chan’s friend and partner.  He’s terrible.  No charisma whatsoever.  And what the fuck is up with his hair?  Okay, so he had tae ridiculous record breaking mullet in the early 90’s, but this dead rat that’s on your head now is horrible!  I mean, it doesn’t even look like real hair.  More like someone dropped a wig on his head from 8 stories above him.  I guess Amber Valletta is fine as the mom, but the material is just bad here.  She’s appealing, but it’s a thankless role.  The bad guy, played by Magnus Scheving, is terrible.  He looks like David Thewlis’ long lost brother, and overacts like he’s in a David Zucker film.  And George Lopez!  Can someone explain to me why he’s in movies today?  I have never found him funny for one second.  He’s bad here as Chan’s former boss.

Occasionally there were almost inspired bits during some of the fights.  Chan still likes to use common household items, like Refrigerators and stuff like that.  I’m also glad that kids getting introduced to Chan.  My daughter liked this, and asked me if we could rent some more of his films.  I told her that we could, and that she was in for a treat because all of his other films are far better.  I can’t wait to show her more.

Even though kids will enjoy it, I still don’t recommend a trip to the theater to see it.  It’s a poorly made film that made me extremely depressed that someone as talented (and self-critical) as Chan would appear in such a drab, boring, and poorly made film.  Like I said, there may be a few moments where you can see a couple of neat Jackie Chan tricks, but it by no means justifies how awful this film is.

Finally, another film by Peter Jackson!  It really is a fluke that he’s as popular as he is.  His LORD OF THE RINGS films are amazing pieces of film, and among the best ever made in my opinion.  But he’s never really made anything else that has been that mainstream.  Sure, KING KONG was a big studio film, but it was very self indulgent and was just way too much.  I didn’t like it.  I do like his earlier films like BAD TASTE and even THE FRIGHTENERS.  But now he’s making a darker, more personal story with THE LOVELY BONES.

The movie takes place in the early 70’s and stars Saoirse Ronan as Susie Salmon.  She’s a young teenage girl who is a free sprit and loves to take pictures.  She has a nice family:  Her father Jack (Mark Wahlberg), mother (Rachel Weisz), younger sister Lindsey (Rose McLver), and alcoholic-smoking grandmother (Susan Sarandon).  She also is in love with an older boy at school named Ray.  One day Susie is walking home and is confronted by her neighbor George (Stanley Tucci) in an isolated field.  He tricks her into entering his clubhouse and murders her (I guess in the novel, he rapes her too but it’s not even mentioned here).  She is now in the afterlife, between heaven and hell.  She can see her family going through their pain.  The movie jumps around between two storylines.  Susie in the afterlife; and in the real world, her family trying to find out who abducted her.

I really, really, really wanted to love this movie.  Heck, right now I’d settle for mildly liking it.  The film has many problems.  First off:  the tone is wrong right off the bad.  Everything in Susie’s life seems very artificial.  The dialogue isn’t natural and everything looks so clean.  I didn’t buy this “real world”.  Not one character felt real.  They’re all cartoon characters.  Then we go to the afterlife and while the imagery is eye opening, it’s not compelling.  And why does Susie have an annoying Asian sidekick?  Who cares?

The movie is horribly cliched and tonally inconsistent.  What was up with the out of place montage of Susie’s Grandma coming over to the house and taking care of everything.  I think that was supposed to be some kind of comedy relief but it felt very awkward.  There is a tension-filled scene toward the end that has Susie’s sister looking through George’s house, but you saw most of that in the trailer.

The acting is all over the map.  Ronan is good during most of the afterlife stuff, but I found her early scenes not very good.  Mark Wahlberg doesn’t do a bad job here, but he’s definitely miscast as Susie’s father.  I won’t put the blame on him here.  He just wasn’t right for the part.  Rachel Weisz probably does the best job, but she’s not in the movie enough to salvage it.  I’ve read that there is some Oscar Buzz surrounding Stanley Tucci as the killer neighbor, which surprises me cause I though he was awful.  He has a great look to him in this movie, but what the hell was he doing with his voice.  He does this kind of cartoon voice that sounds similar to Jimmy Stewart.  I couldn’t take him seriously.  Susan Sarandon is a walking cliché as the hard drinking grandma.  I hated her character so much that I’m not sure I can accurately critique her performance.  Rose McLver is pretty good as Suzie’s sister, but she was supposed to be younger, and she’s actually 9 years older than Ronan, and it showed.  So that wasn’t convincing.  Michael Imperioli is solid as a detective assigned to Susie’s case.  The worst performance belongs to Reece Ritchie as Susie’s potential boyfriend.  He’s portrayed as the perfect man.  Laughably handsome, and unrealistically nice.  His line delivery had me howling everytime he opened up his mouth.

Now Jackson still is a talented filmmaker.  He sets up some pretty impressive shots.  Unfortunately, the script is not very good at all.  There’s lots of half baked ideas that don’t really go anywhere.  Like a storyline involving a local psychic girl that can see Susie, falls flat on it’s face.  The ending of the film is pretty bad, and features some jaw droppingly bad lines.  One resolution of a certain character had me falling out of my chair, I was laughing so hard.

THE LOVELY BONES is a major disappointment.  I think Peter Jackson needs to do what James Cameron did after TITANIC.  Take a decade off and find yourself again.  This was a visually impressive, but emotionally empty film, full of bad acting and dialogue.  Don’t even bother!

Jeff bridges is probably one of my favorite actors of all time.  Looking back at his resume, it astounds me to how many awesome roles he’s played.  Love him in TRON, STARMAN, TUCKER, FISHER KING, WILD BILL, BIG LEBOWSKI and THE CONTENDER… just to name a few.  I love his face, his vocal influctuations and overall choices in films.

In his latest, CRAZY HEART, he gets a chance to really shine as a faded Country Western star, Bad Blake.  He hasn’t had a hit record in almost two decades and currently plays shows at rundown bars and bowling alleys for a quick buck.  He drinks too much and has sex with the bar staff as he travels from town to town in his rundown truck.

One day while touring, he meets an up an coming journalist named Jean (Maggie Gyllenhaal) who wants to interview him.  Blake’s not too thrilled about it but agrees to do it anyway.  The two almost immediately hit it off and form a strong relationship.  He also grows attached to her 4 year old son.  Then, Bad Blake gets a chance to play in front of 12,000 people, but it’s opening for one of his protege’s, Tommy Sweet (Colin Farrell), whom Blake has bittersweet feelings toward.  With a new relationship developing and a possible career boost, Blake struggles with his alcoholism as it interferes with his life.

I’ll say this right off the bat.  JEFF BRIDGES is fantastic!  It’s an incredibly fully realized character.  You see all of his pain, frustration, passion, depression, and desperation up on screen.  It’s the kind of performance that is completely naked.  Bridges is amazing and it will be a shame if he doesn’t win the Oscar, but I’m ready to bet that he’ll nab it.  It’s a soulful performance that is told through his face and body language. Did I mention he sings all of the songs?  He is completely believable as a washed up singer.

The rest of the movie is pretty good too.  The story doesn’t really follow a three act structure for the most part, and that works in it’s favor.  It mainly focuses on the relationship between Bad and Jean, just letting the actors do their thing.  The relationship feels very genuine.  I did have a little problem with the last third.  I felt that there were a couple of scenes that felt forced, like a segment that has Blake watching Jean’s kid, and the part when Blake goes to rehab.  Those didn’t feel as genuine as the rest of the film, but Bridges was still phenomenal throughout.

Besides Bridges, everyone else does a great job too.  I’ve been pretty hard on Maggie Gyllenhaal in the past.  She’s very talented but have never found her attractive at all.  I usually make fun of her face, saying that she looks like she got hit with a frying pan, and looks 10-15 years older than her actual age.  I would like to apologize for saying those things, cause she is so good in this.  She really embodies the character of Jean, making her fully 3-Demonsional.  It’s another Oscar worthy performance.  Robert Duvall shows up playing Blake’s good friend, and he’s good as usual.  But I was really surprised how convincing Colin Farrell was as a Country superstar.  He sings his songs well and does a solid job acting opposite Bridges.

This is Director Scott Cooper’s first feature film, and it’s impressive.  His style isn’t that in your face, but he creates a vivid atmosphere with the help of Cinematographer Barry Markowitz.  Lots of shadows.  The musical numbers feel very authentic and are well written.  I don’t like country music, but I would probably own this Soundtrack.  I loved alot of these songs, but in my defense they’re not really that new contemporary country, but that old school style.  That stuff is good.  Hate that new shit though.  T-Bone Burnett does a great job with all of the songs.

Like I said, the only complaint I have is a few things during the third act that felt too neat.  In a film that isn’t set in a perfect world, the ending seemed to betray that, so I didn’t necessarily buy it.  That said, this is definitely worth seeking out because the songs are great, and of course, features the performance of a lifetime from Jeff Bridges.

CRAZY HEART isn’t a perfect film, but Bridges is perfect in it.  It’s opening at the Uptown this weekend and I recommend checking it out!

————————————————————–

Here’s a quick recap (I use a four-star rating system):

THE BOOK OF ELI [R] – ***
THE SPY NEXT DOOR [PG]- *
THE LOVELY BONES [PG -13] – *1/2
CRAZY HEART [R] – ***

The one to see this weekend is Jeff Bridges in CRAZY HEART.  If you want to see a cool, kick-ass film, check out THE BOOK OF ELI.  You can definitely skip THE LOVELY BONES and THE SPY NEXT DOOR. That’s it for now!

Take Care!

Be Geeky!!

And watch movies!!!

Hello everyone and welcome to New Year’s weekend.  2009 has come to an end, so you know what that means.  End of year lists!  Now, there are still two movies I need to see (THE LOVELY BONES and CRAZY HEART) before I post my best of the year.  That’ll be in a couple of weeks.  But I will share with you the very worst of 2009.

I’m not just going to pick on Studio films either.  Low budget independent films can be just as bad.  Alot of film critics seem to focus just on Hollywood.  But not me.  My list is more accurate because I will include every type of movie, and see the films that weren’t screened for press. Some critics (“cough” Colin “cough”) skip those.  I see everything!

There were plenty of stinkers this year.  So many in fact, that I could easily do the worst 50 films.  But I won’t be that cruel to you.  I’ll just post my bottom 10.  But before I do, here are some of the runner-ups that were awful enough that I still have to mention, in alphabetical order:  COLD SOULS, GENTLEMEN BRONCOS, LAND OF THE LOST, LAW ABIDING CITIZEN, LITTLE ASHES, THE MARC PEASE EXPERIENCE, THE PINK PANTHER 2, STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI, THE STRIP, and TRANSYLMANIA.

Believe it or not, there were 10 movies that were worse than those.  Here goes….

The Film Geek’s Bottom 10 of 2009:

10. THE UNINVITED – Well, for one I’m not a fan of Elizabeth Banks.  And here she gives one of her worst performances (with the exception of MEET DAVE) as an evil stepmother.  There’s an M. Night-ish twist at the end, but it’s just stupid.  The dialogue is atrocious, the filmmaking is amateurish, and the movie is laughable.  I probably laughed more at this movie than most comedies this year.

9. NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: BATTLE OF THE SMITHSONIAN – If you ever wanted to find out what would happen if a director, some writers, a bunch of actors, and a buttload of film grips got to a film set and decide to not try at all, then look no further than this dull, uninspired, tired, and lifeless sequel to a mediocre film.  Every actor seems to be aimlessly improvising in every scene, and the movie falls flat on it’s face because of it.  Amy Adams tries to inject energy into the role, but it’s no use.  This gives family films a bad name.  I didn’t laugh once in this!

8. BETWEEN LOVE & GOODBYE – This low budget Indie about a gay musician falling in and out of love with another boy is heartbreakingly bad.  The intentions are good.  There needs to be more movies like this, but the execution is embarrassing.  The acting is worse than a middle school play, the filmmaking is like watching an eight year old direct with his camcorder, and the screenplay seems to have been written by someone with an IQ of 20.  It was really hard to sit through.

7. THE UNBORN – Did you ever want to see Gary Oldman (one of the best working actors today) not even try as a secondary character in a B-movie supernatural horror film?  Me neither!  David Goyer started off good as a screenwriter for the BLADE movies, but he can’t direct worth shit!  It’s like a bad American remake of a Japanese horror film, and this was supposedly an original story.

6. THE FINAL DESTINATION – I hate this series!  This is the worst running Horror film franchise!  No characters.  No Plot.  No killer.  Just unlikable douchebags dying in ridiculous random ways.  But in this one, the kills aren’t even good.  Horror films should not have CG blood and gore.  It should be done practically (preferably done by KNB).  This movie looked like shit!  At 81 minutes, this was a chore to sit through.

5. WHITEOUT – What should have been a white knuckle thriller turned out to be one of the most boring films of the year.  It was nice to see Tom Skerritt in a major movie again, but sad to see him wasted in this mind numbingly stupid film.  The production values were equivalent to a Sci-Fi Channel (not gonna use that lame new spelling) original.  I can’t believe this cheap looking movie got a theatrical release.

4. OLD DOGS – This is jaw droppingly bad!  It would’ve been more acceptable if this starred Tim Allen and Kevin James, but because John Travolta and Robin Williams are actually good actors, this was shocking and painful to watch.  Lots of moronic old-age jokes (and age-old jokes), drug jokes, and uninspired slapstick galore!  Oh yeah, and we get a cross-eyed Rita Wilson.  Thanks Hollywood!….. you fuckers!  There’s no way that anyone making this thought it was going to be a great movie.  It was made for pure financial reasons for everyone involved.  And with what is happening with the economy right now, this should be considered a crime!

3. THE OTHER MAN – This is the kind of movie that you would normally find on Cinemax at 3 in the morning… back in 1995.  A man trying to find his wife toys with the man she’s having an affair with.  It’s a laughably sleazy film with hammed up performances from Liam Neeson and Antonio Banderas.  This movie is a great example why Hollywood isn’t treating these guys seriously anymore.  I love these actors and it broke my heart as these two slum through this heavy handed drama.  Easily the worst work of both their careers.

2. CALL OF THE WILD – No, it’s not an adaptation of the famous Jack London story.  It’s about a grandfather who reads her the story, then finds a wolf, raises it, and then races it in a sled race.  This was in 3D!  And God knows why.  There was no reason for it, unless you think every bad movie on the Lifetime Channel needs to be in 3D.  I shouldn’t be that hard on the Lifetime Channel, cause this is much, much worst than that.  Every aspect of this production is shockingly amateurish.  Even one of my favorite actors, Christopher Lloyd, is horrible!  What happened to him?  He used to be so awesome!  Doc Brown, Judge Doom, Fester Adams?  Come on!  What the fuck happened to you?  This is a bad after school special that should have premiered on the small screen.  Better yet, not made at all!

1. THE YEAR ONE – The absolute worst film of the year.  Hollywood spent millions on this.  It’s a big budget comedy… without the comedy.  There’s lots of fart jokes, puke jokes, slime jokes, gay jokes, bestiality jokes, rape jokes, and pop culture references.  And none of them were funny.  Harold Ramis, who has been responsible for some of cinema’s classic comedies (CADDYSHACK and VACATION), miserably fails here.  Jack Black and Michael Cera wear bad wigs and act like themselves for the longest 100 minutes of my life.  I hated hated, hated, hated, HATED this movie!  This one needs to be shown at film schools across the world to show aspiring filmmakers how NOT to make a comedy.  This was just as bad, and probably even worse, than those awful parody films like DISASTER MOVIE and EPIC MOVIE.  But this one was isn’t as excusable since it has a known cast.  I would rather have my eyeballs fucked by a Triceratops than watch this again.

And those are the worst films of the year.  Do not watch unless you like to punish yourself.  Sometimes, out of curiosity, I love to watch a “good” bad movie.  My favorite bad movie this year was probably STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN LI.  I could watch that a few times and laugh my ass off.  But these bottom ten that I just presented you with are not even “good” bad.  They’re “BAD” bad!  Avoid at all costs!

That’s it for now!

Take care!

Be geeky!

Watch movies!

And Happy New Year!!!

Have you heard that the “Hollywood” film system is broken? That indies are having a tough time getting their films bought/distributed/shown? That if you want something done right you better do it yourself? Well, for indie filmmakers, if you want something done, period, you really had better do it yourself and Jon Reiss (”Bomb It”, “Better Living Through Circuitry”) aims to give you all the help and advice you need with his new book “Think Outside the Box Office.”

Subtitled “The Ultimate Guide to Film Distribution and Marketing for the Digital Era,” Reiss covers everything you need to know (and recommends knowing it before you start shooting!) from assembling your team, building up your website and social networks, doing live events and theatrical (it doesn’t stop once it shows in a theater!), marketing and publicity and merchandising, to digital rights and foreign sales. Whew. It is a jam-packed treasure trove of how-to DIY advice and real world examples. There is even a well-done chapter on how to use WordPress (free) for your website.

TOTBO is a dense tome with step-by-step info and it doesn’t sugar-coat the reality that the current world of indie filmmaking is lots of really hard work. You may not be able to do it all yourself, but at least you’ll know what needs to be done. And you’ll be armed with knowledge from inside the trenches when it comes time to do a distribution deal.

Reiss delivers a timely, up-to-date and impressively useful book for indie filmmakers that is worth far more than the list price. In fact, I’d grab your copy now before Reiss figures out what an enormous value this is and starts charging the big bucks for weekend-long seminars!

Hello everyone and welcome to the weekend!  Only one more month before 2009 is over.  We have six films releasing this weekend.  I am going to review BROTHERS, ARMORED, TRANSYLMANIA, EVERYBODY’S FINE, UP IN THE AIR and OH MY GOD.  Let’s get started…

I know it’s useless to complain, but I’m getting real sick of remakes.  Not that they’re all bad, in fact some are very good (THE DEPARTED).  I guess it’s just the very idea of a remake that upsets me.  I think older films and foreign films are very important to film history and shouldn’t be overlooked or forgotten.  Now, when Hollywood remakes something, it discourages audiences to not watch older films, or movies with subtitles.  It gives people an excuse not to seek out the originals.  This enrages me.

When I first saw the trailer for BROTHERS, I wasn’t aware it was a remake until about halfway through.  Then I said “Wait a minute, I’ve seen this before!”  It’s a remake of a Danish film that was released here in 2005.  It’s a great movie!  But I was not really looking forward to this because I just hate the reasoning behind remakes.  But, I do like director Jim Sheridan (IN AMERICA, IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER), so I was willing to give it a chance.

The story is pretty much exactly the same as the original.  Sam (Tobey Maguire) is a Captain in the military with a lovely wife, Grace (Natalie Portman), and two charming daughters.  Sam’s brother Tommy (Jake Gyllenhaal) has just been released from prison for armed robbery.  No one really likes him, but they put up with him just the same, especially Sam, who seems to accept Tommy for who he is.  Sam goes over to the middle east for combat and ends up becoming a prisoner of war.  But since the military assumes the worst, they tell Grace that her husband has died.  This brings the family closer and even Tommy changes his no-good ways as he develops a special bond with Grace and the kids.  Meanwhile, after a few grueling months as a prisoner, Sam is rescued and returns home.  I don’t want to give too much else away, so I’ll just say that there’s a certain amount of tension since Tommy doesn’t know how to deal with his post traumatic stress.  And it doesn’t help that he has suspicions that Tommy and Grace are having an affair.

I really didn’t want to like this movie cause that will just encourage Hollywood to remake more great movies, but in all honesty, this was pretty darn good.  It’s a different approach than the Danish film.  That one had an intense naturalistic style, with it’s extreme close-ups and hand-held photography.  Sheridan’s style is alot slicker, with graceful shots perfectly framed.  And it worked almost as well.

The acting is really what excelled for me.  Tobey Maguire gets the more showy performance.  At times I thought he overdid his “intense look” when he was a POW, but he has a powerful breakdown moment that was very impressive.  That scene alone could snag him an Oscar nomination.  But I think I preferred Gyllenhaal’s subtler performance.  He’s quiet, but you can tell just by looking at his face that there’s alot going on inside.  Portman does much of the same stuff she did in the third STAR WARS prequel, which was crying alot.  She does do a fine job though.  Sam Shepard was a little too much at times as the overly disapproving father.  He was no more than a cliché at times.  Mare Winningham did a solid job as his wife.  And hot off of AN EDUCATION, Carey Mulligan dominates the screen in her only scene as the wife of a dead soldier.  What really elevated the film for me was the performances of the two daughters, played by Bailee Madison and Taylor Geare.  Both are phenomenal, especially Madison.  They felt like real kids.  Their interaction with their parents felt like a real family.  These scenes are very authentic and are ultimately what drives the movie.

The screenplay is extremely faithful to the original as it kept every single important plot point.  I thought the first half got a little too “Hollywood Cliched” at times, and was a little forced.  I also thought some of the humor involving Tommy’s friends that were helping build the kitched felt a tad out of place.  But the second half makes up for it.  I do think Tommy and Grace’s relationship could have been expanded upon, as well as Tommy’s and Sam’s.  We don’t really know just how close they are or ever were.  We have a vague idea, but a little more would have been nice. One thing that was better than the original was a dinner scene towards the end that is so full of tension that it’s almost unbearable to watch.   Bailee Madison is very good in this scene.

But since I’ve seen the original, I knew what was going to happen, so it never really struck an emotional chord with me.  I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a film, then watch the remake.  It’s very surreal.  It’s not the same movie, but it was.  It’s very hard to explain, but it kind of left me indifferent.  But judging it on it’s own, it’s a good solid movie.

Those who haven’t seen the original will probably be affected by this one alot more.  But by all means, don’t let this be a substitute for the 2005 film.  I prefer that one, but as far as remakes go, I would say this is a success.

ARMORED is the third film from director Nimrod Antal.  His first film KONTROLL was an effective atmospheric thriller that took place in the Hungarian subway system.  His second film, VACANCY, wasn’t quite as good, though it did show off his skills as a craftsman.  Still working within the confines of the Hollywood system, he delivers ARMORED, a slick looking heist thriller.

Columbus Short stars as Ty, a war veteran whose parents have passed on, leaving him to take care of his troublemaker little brother Jimmy.  Ty works as a guard for an armored truck company along with his Godfather Mike (Matt Dillon), who was very close with his father.  Ty discovers that he’s about to lose his house, and that the county is threatening to put Jimmy in a foster home.  Mike knows about this and comes up with a plan to rob their own truck, which will have about 42 million dollars on board during the particular day he has in mind.  At first, Ty disagrees but finally gives in since he has no other choice.  He doesn’t want to lose his brother or the house.  Mike recruits 4 other guards played by Jean Reno, Laurence Fishburne, Skeet Ulrich and Amaury Nolasco.  Of course, it wouldn’t be a heist movie if things didn’t go disastrously wrong.  A cop (Milo Ventimiglia) shows up on the scene and all hell breaks lose.  Ty quickly decides that he doesn’t want any part of this, but now it’s too late to turn back.  This pits him against his colleagues in a cat and mouse game.

The plot is about as generic as you can get.  Every character is pretty cliched and thin.  The script is very mechanical.  But I can see why Antal would be attracted to this.  The story is pretty much a blank slate for a filmmaker to show off his style.  The director does a fine job creating unique set pieces.  The way he sets up his shots were pretty impressive.  In the second half of the film, there were a few scenes that feature long stedicam shots that were elaborate enough to “wow” me.  But just like VACANCY, I just didn’t really connect with anyone in the movie.

The actors do a fine job I guess, but the characters aren’t really there.  Short is all right as Hackett, but besides looking “oh, so serious” all the time, he doesn’t have a whole lot to do.  He’s a pretty ordinary hero.  Matt Dillon is having a good time as the bad guy, but after awhile I realized that his role wasn’t all that interesting.  Not his fault though.  Laurence Fishburne was probably my favorite as the trigger happy guard.  Skeet Ulrich was hoping that this was CHILL FACTOR 2, but nope, he isn’t in this all too much.  He wasn’t bad though.  I love Jean Reno in THE PROFESSIONAL so it pained me to see him wasted in this.  He’s decent, but his character is so underwritten that he might as well have not even been in this.  Milo Ventimiglia does solid work as a good hearted cop.  And it’s always nice to see Fred Ward in a movie.  He plays the head of the company where Ty and the gang work and delivers every line with corny gusto.  Please Hollywood, put him in more movies.

Like I said before, the direction is really good.  I could definitely tell what Robert Rodriguez sees in him (he hired him to direct PREDATORS based on viewing this film).  He’s got a wonderful eye, but I just want to see him with a script that has more going for it.  The screenwriting isn’t bad, it’s just so pedestrian.  It’s very stale.  If the direction wasn’t so fresh, I would definitely give this a lower rating, but Nimrod’s artistic flare make this watchable.

One thing I should mention though is that if you’ve seen the trailers and TV spots, then you’ve seen too much.  They give too much away in the advertisements.  So if you are interested in seeing this, avoid any previews.  People that just want to escape and have a good time won’t be disappointed.  It’s not wall to wall action, but more of a cat and mouse thriller.  The last 20 minutes have the most tension and were pretty entertaining.  I thought it dragged a little right before the climax and the music got real irritating for me, but Nimrod always shoots the film interesting enough from keeping it completely boring.

I just can’t help but think what the filmmaker will be able to do when he gets a sharper script.  Not bad though.  I’m not sure why the Studio didn’t screen this for critics.  It’s kind of halfway decent.  But I can’t quite justify a trip to the theater for it.  Maybe worth a rental.

As you may know, I recently interviewed David and Scott Hillenbrand, the directors of TRANSYLMANIA.  Now, I saw the trailer and thought the movie looked dreadful.  But after talking with the filmmakers (who were very cool I might add), I started to become hopeful.  Stating that they were influenced by Mel Brooks made me think it could be good.  I really didn’t want to be one of those critics that interviewed the filmmakers and then hated their movie.  I have such respect for anyone that makes movies that I wish that I could like every film I see.  So I was really nervous walking into this.

A bunch of college kids go to a Romanian college (which was explained in such a brief way that I don’t really remember why) to study.  Among them are Rusty, whose online girlfriend’s dad is the dean of the Romanian school.  There’s nerdy Newmar, who has a superficially hot cheerleader girlfriend named Lynne.  Pete and Wang are two generic stoners who are dating twins Lia and Danni.  There’s some others in the mix as well, but none really worth mentioning.  Once they get to Romania, things get weird.  Rusty’s girlfriend turns out to be a hunchback, one of their professors is a vampire slayer named Sloan, and a vampire named Radu (who looks just like Rusty) rises from the grave to rule the earth, all because of some magical music box.

I know that this movie was supposed to be spoofing vampire and horror films, in an AMERICAN PIE-like way.  I’m sure the Hillenbrand’s had the best intentions, but it just doesn’t work.  The first and main reason why is that not one of the characters is likable or funny.  Rusty is just some hornball slob, Newmar is a pathetic nerd, Lynne seems like a slut, and Pete and Wang are just an unfunny rip-off of Harold and Kumar.  Sticking dildos full of drugs up their asses to smuggle overseas isn’t funny.  Nor is the running gag of them using American blue jeans as currency.  Also not funny: horses farting, getting a dick stuck in a laptop, and constant pot humor.  I’m sorry, but simply lighting up a joint does not equal a joke.  There’s also some gory grossout gags, like a geyser of blood shooting up out of a leg or tits falling off a corpse, but they just fall flat.  I’m not saying these things could never be funny, but they’re not executed properly to be funny here.

I’m sure the film was fun to make as the actors seem to be having fun.  Oren Skoog gets to play two roles, and is actually not that bad when he’s the king vampire.  But he seems to be impersonating Matthew Lillard when he’s Rusty, and that’s NOT a good thing!  It was nice to see David Steinberg as the Midget Dean (he was Megosh in WILLOW), but he’s not really funny at all in this.

Towards the end, I could see some of the influences that the Hillenbrand’s discussed in my interview, like THE COURT JESTER (the whole mistaken identity thing), and every once in a while I could see a small sliver of inspiration from time to time (like a puking scene that had me chuckle once), but for the most part, it’s very painful to watch.  When it’s not funny, which is pretty much all the time, it’s embarrassing.

The movie also runs 96 minutes, which seemed forever.  This kind of film should never be longer than 80 minutes.  There were many missed opportunities here.  All the jokes are about college kids (who look like they’re in their 30’s) trying to get laid or high.  That would be fine I guess if the film were funny but it’s not.  There were so many times that I found myself ways to make the film funnier.  Like I thought having Rusty repulsed by his hunchback girlfriend was too typical.  Wouldn’t it be funnier if he wasn’t repulsed by it, and just went buck wild on her?  His character would have been funnier if he just didn’t care, instead he just ended up being another douchebag that wanted a plastic woman.

This is easily one of the worst films of the year.  I feel really bad for the filmmakers, cause I liked them.  It’s times like these that I hate being a critic.  I can’t really recommend this to anyone.  However, I am looking forward to their next project, THE BLACK ARROW, which will be a straight up action-adventure.  But TRANSYLMANIA sucks!  No amount of gore, nudity, and raunchy humor can disguise that.

EVERYBODY’S FINE is a remake of an 1990 Italian film of the same name.  It stars Robert De Niro as Frank, who recently retired from a job where he made the covering that goes over telephone wires.  His wife also just passed away.  He doesn’t really have a too excitingly life.  He does garden work and goes the local grocery store.  The only thing he’s really looking forward to is having his four children (all grown up now) over for Thanksgiving.  They all cancel on him, leaving Frank disappointed.  Since his kids live in different parts of the country, he decides to surprise each one with a visit.  During this road trip, he discovers that his kids haven’t really been telling him the truth about what they do.  They have been sugar coating their lives for him so he wouldn’t worry.  Not only does he learn about his kids, he finds out about himself too.

This easily could have been a Lifetime movie of the week if done too schmaltzy.  But when you have a legend like Robert De Niro as the lead, you tend to be in safe hands.  The material is handled very delicately.  The film has a natural, slow and steady pace.  Things unfold in due time.  This could have been loaded with old age jokes, and wacky supporting characters to clash with Frank’s old fashioned ways, but it’s not.  It’s mostly told very realistically.  It really strikes some emotional chords too.

The reason this movie works as well as it does is a rock solid performance by De Niro, who is a true professional.  It’s a graceful, subtle, and heartfelt performance.  But his character is still hard nosed, but he really does want to know the truth about his kids.  He really makes the effort to get to know them, even when they push him away with lies.  It’s not the kind of show offy role that would get an Oscar nomination like Jack Nicholson in ABOUT SCHMIDT, and that’s too bad.  Because he is really good here.  After seeing De Niro play every type of character type known to man, it was a pleasure just watching him simply play a normal person.  Someone you would meet on the street.  It was refreshing.  The supporting cast is also good.  As the kids, Sam Rockwell is great as Robert, Kate Beckinsale is good as Amy, and even Drew Barrymore does a decent job as Rosie.  They all have secrets and Frank is determined to break down their barriers.

Kirk Jones is proving to be a good director.  His first two films, WAKING NED DEVINE and NANNY MCPHEE are terrific little movies.  This one is about the same.  His style is very simple but also effective.  The script has maybe one too many contrived moments, like when Frank is robbed and loses his medication.  And the conclusion is a little cliched, but for the most part, Jones keeps it low key enough for it to feel real.  There are several great little moments that show Frank trying to connect with strangers that felt so real that it seemed that I had those conversations with people before.

If you’ve seen some of the TV Spots, then you have been misinformed on how the movie actually is.  It makes it look like a straight up comedy and that’s far from the truth.  It’s a quiet and compelling drama with a few light moments.  Since the pacing is slow it may try the patience of some viewers, but those that like movies that take their time will be rewarded with a nice little movie that most people can relate to.  A small, enjoyable pleasure.

Jason Reitman has made two previous films.  His first was a great debut, THANK YOU FOR SMOKING.  His second was even more acclaimed, JUNO.  Now, I actually felt that it was overrated.  I thought Ellen Page was great, but Diablo Cody’s screenplay was too clever for it’s own good.  But Reitman’s direction was just fine.  Now with his third feature, he’s now back in the writer’s chair as well.

UP IN THE AIR stars George Clooney as Ryan Bingham, a middle aged man who spends most of every year traveling.  You see, he’s hired by businesses around the country to fire employees.  He does the company’s dirty work and does so with cold indifference.  He has no time for commitment.  As far as relationships, he believes in one night stands and that’s it.  While on the road, he meets a woman named Alex Goran (Vera Farmiga) who also travels alot.  They have a fling, but there is also something there.  So they decide to continue having flings in different parts of the country while they travel.  Things get a little complicated when Ryan finds out that he may not have to travel anymore, since his company came up with a way to fire people using web cams.  This frustrates Ryan since he loves being on the road so much.  His boss (Jason Bateman) decides to let him take a young new executive Natalie (Anna Kendrick) on the road with him so she can see how the job is done.  At first they don’t get along, but they soon form a friendship that both can learn from.  Also, Ryan’s feelings for Alex are unexpectedly growing stronger, which also complicates things.

The trailers make the movie look kind of generic I think.  And that’s too bad, because I thought this movie was pretty special.  The movie opens with a smart montage showing how organized Ryan is as he packs for his routine trip.  It’s edited perfectly and really sets up the character.  We also get a quick montage of Ryan firing employees with a wide variety of reactions, some are funny and some are sad.

The first meeting between Ryan and Alex was great.  Immediately, sparks are seen.  There is a definite chemistry between them as they compare elite member cards with each other over drinks.  The way their relationship develops is very genuine.  The character of Natalie is also well used.  Ryan becomes a sort of mentor to her.  She is engaged and ready to settle down, but Ryan shows her that she has more options than just following a cute guy around.  They have a touching relationship, but in a strictly platonic way.

Even little things like Ryan’s interaction with his boss and how he carries around an enlarged photo of his sister and her fiancee around to take pictures of them in the many places he visits.  There is also some pretty good humor in this.  It’s mostly of the low key kind, but still great.  Most of the humor comes from the job firing and Natalie’s character.  I loved the balance between drama and comedy.  The conclusion may turn people off, but I thought it was perfect.  It really effected me.

The performances are great!  George Clooney is in top “Cary Grant” form as Ryan.  His transformation from a cold womanizer to a man with feelings is very good.  Vera Farmiga is perfect as the right partner for Ryan.  She’s smart, mature and still very sexy.  And is the perfect match for Clooney.  They’re great together!  And she looks good naked in a very tasteful shot, from behind.  Sorry, had to say it.  To me Farmiga looks cross between Patricia Clarkson and Claire Forlani.  There has also been some Oscar talk about her work here, but for me, the best performance belongs to Anna Kendrick as Natalie.  She is one of those young professional, uptight shrews that feels like she has to prove herself all the time.  But as she learns more about Ryan and his job, she begins to change.  Her transition is terrific.  She also has a great scene in which she has a breakdown which was both heartbreaking and hilarious.  Very impressive.  I hope she doesn’t get overlooked.  Jason Bateman is his usual low key self and he’s amusing.  I loved when he tells Clooney that he took his first dump in a week.  Funny stuff.  There’s some other good work from J.K. Simmons, Danny McBride (who manages to actually wear a shirt with sleeves on it), and Sam Elliott.  I did think that Zach Galifianakis (who seems to be the new “it” funnyman after THE HANGOVER) stuck out though.  He looks and acts the same in every movie.  Would it kill you to shave off your beard and play an actual character?  Other than that, the acting is top notch.

It seems with every picture, Reitman improves as a filmmaker.  His style here is very confident and bold.  Every shot is well thought out and the editing is outstanding.  The script is great.  It’s a wonderful story about a man learning how to connect with people, after so many years of avoiding attachment.  It’s a thought provoking movie without being heavy handed or preachy.

This is one of the movies getting acclaim this year that actually deserves it.  It opens this weekend exclusively at The Uptown.  Definitely see this one!

Lastly is a documentary called OH MY GOD.  This is a pretty straight forward Doc that examines many religions.  Director Peter Rodger travels around the globe as he interviews many priests, monks, medicine men, actors, singers, and various others about their views on religion and who or what God really is.  The movie opens with Hugh Jackman talking about his beliefs, then continues to show many other views.

Religion is a very touchy subject.  Me? I’m not really a religious person.  I was raised a Lutheran but began to have doubts when I was about 14 or 15.  When I discovered that there were many different religions, I began to question things.  Which is the correct one?  When I asked my youth pastor, he couldn’t come up with an answer for me.  So since then I’ve been Agnostic.  I found this movie to be very interesting.  I liked hearing all sorts of opinions.  It’s really cool to see different practices and rituals.

Some of the interviewees have some great insight as well.  Hearing David Copperfield tell a story about how a fan wanted him to heal a loved one was great.  I also thought that pop star Seal (I’m a big fan by the way) had some important things to say.  When asked what God was, he held up a picture of his family and said “Love”.  That sounds about right. But the movie isn’t saying that there is no right or wrong opinion.  Towards the end, I did think they went a little too far trying to make a point by showing dying kids.  That was too manipulative.  I also thought some of the music was a little much.

But for the most part, I found it to be a compelling documentary that will make you think.  If you’re one of those people that like to debate about important topics, then you’ll want to see this.  It’s a great conversation piece.  Not perfect, but it’s always interesting.  It’s playing at the Lagoon theater.
Here’s a recap:
(I use a 4-star rating system)
BROTHERS [R] – ***
ARMORED [PG -13] – **1/2
EVERYBODY’S FINE [PG -13] – ***
TRANSYLMANIA [R] – *
UP IN THE AIR [R] – ***1/2
OH MY GOD [NR] – ***

4 good movies, but the one you must see is UP IN THE AIR.  Stay the hell away from TRANSYLMANIA.  And if you’re in the mood for a dumb escapist thriller, you could do worse than ARMORED.

That’s it for now!

Take care!!

Be geeky and watch movies!!!

Hello Everyone and welcome to the weekend! It’s a very big weekend for me cause BLACK DYNAMITE is finally being released! Also, we have the second installment of the Twilight Saga, NEW MOON. Then there’s PLANET 51, THE BLIND SIDE, the oscar bait PRECIOUS, and opening at the Uptown is (UNTITLED). There are also 2 films I didn’t get a chance to see. THE MESSENGER is opening at The Edina and Block E, and WE LIVE IN PUBLIC is opening at Lagoon. But I did see the other six, so let’s get started…

As we all know, TWILIGHT is a huge phenomenon at the moment. I never read any of the books, so I’m viewing these movies as they stand as films. I thought TWILIGHT was okay. I definitely wasn’t a hater, but I thought the casting of Robert Pattinson as Edward was wrong. But I did see potential in the series and after watching the trailer for NEW MOON, I became hopeful.

It is now senior year, Bella and Edward are now an exlucsive item. Their relationship is straining a bit because Bella wants to become a vampire, but Edward is very reluctant to turn her as he doesn’t want her to be damned. During Bella’s 18th birthday party, Alice’s (Edward’s sister) boyfriend attacks Bella when she is cut. Everything turns out okay, but Edward doesn’t want anything else to happen to his true love, so he and his family travel to Italy where there are other vampires. This breaks Bella’s heart and she becomes reckless. It’s during this time that her friend Jacob consoles her. A strong bond forms between them. But of course it’s not that easy, cause Jacob is really a werewolf. Bella’s got a thing for monsters I guess. Maybe in the next one she’ll fall in love with the creature of the black lagoon. Anyway, while Jacob and Bella’s relationship grows, the evil vampire Victoria is hunting down Bella. I don’t want to give too much away for people who don’t know the story, but something happens that has Bella going to Italy to save Edward from certain death.

Unlike the first movie, this story is a little more disjointed. Which isn’t necessarily a deal breaker. I kind of liked the structure because it made the film move faster. It’s like three separate stories. What worked for me this time was the relationship between Bella and Jacob. They have a very believable and special bond. But more often than not, the rest of the movie felt like an episode of the O.C. Lots of soap opera theatrics.

Here is the movie’s MAJOR problem. Robert Pattinson! He just plain sucks as an actor. He CAN NOT freakin’ act! Oh my God! From the moment he climbs out of his car in the school parking lot and walks over to Bella in slow motion, and his eyes staring in a very unattractive and creepy way, the movie lost me. I believe he’s supposed to be a hunk. He’s not at all. He’s gross looking. He has such an ugly face! How can anyone find him attractive is beyond me! And then, he delivers every line like he has really bad indigestion. This guy can’t even talk right! And the brooding looks he gives to Bella are so laughable and creepy, that if I were her I’d just kick him in the balls. I didn’t even like his character this time. He seemed extremely selfish and self-loathing that I just wanted him to disappear. And fortunately for about a good hour, he does.

Kristen Stewart as Bella isn’t quite as good as she was last time. She tends to overdo the whole depressed teenage angst thing with exaggerated facial expressions. However, I do think Taylor Lautner does a good job as Jacob. He also had to put on a bunch of muscle weight and he looks outstanding. Out of the kids, he definitely does the best job. His character is also much more likable than Edward that I immediately wanted Jacob and Bella to end up together, but I already know how things turn out in the books, so this pisses me off even more. I don’t want Edward and Bella to be together. Jacob is clearly the better guy here.

The rest of the cast is fine I guess. Billy Burke is still my favorite as Bella’s father and has the film’s best lines. I was disappointed in Anna Kendrick as Bella’s friend since I already saw her in another film called UP IN THE AIR, but more on that at a later date. Peter Facinelli is much better than he was in TWILIGHT as Edward’s father. Ashley Greene is likable enough as Alice. Michael Sheen tends to go a little overboard as a head vampire. He felt like a cartoon character to me. Dakota Fanning does a great job in a small role as a vampire. She hardly says anything and still acts rings around most of the cast. Too bad she couldn’t be Bella.

Director Chris Weitz replaces Catherine Hardwicke, but the results are about the same. He’s not a bad filmmaker and there is even a few cool sequences, like when the camera spins around Bella as the months go by in a single shot. That was cool. But the action scenes are still no good. In fact, they may be worse this time cause Weitz chooses to use that lame “slow-mo, then Speed-up” trick during the fights. It’s so distracting and it’s only used as a gimmick. Hate that! Also, there was one really strange thing that happened during a werewolf fight: Two werewolves are rolling around on the ground with each other and then they bump right into the camera, and the camera falls down to the ground, then the shot holds for another second or two. What the hell was the point of that? I laughed, but breaking the fourth wall like that felt inappropriate for what was happening in the story.

The script by Melissa Rosenberg is a little heavy on the teen angst. At times it felt like a CW teen drama. Aut then I looked at Rosenberg’s resume and found that not only did she write STEP UP, but she also wrote a few episodes of THE O.C. Ah Ha! Now it all makes sense. The special effects were about the same as they were last time, not too bad but not terribly impressive. But considering the time they had between pictures, I’m surprised the effects looked as good as they did. Alexander Desplat’s score is a vast improvement over Carter Burwell’s score, though the movie tends to scrap the score altogether on several occasions using highly commercial “Indie Rock” for emotional scenes.

I didn’t hate this, but I enjoyed TWILIGHT more. That was a little more focused and Pattinson wasn’t as bad as he is here. Also, I don’t like where the story is going because I think Jacob and Bella should be together. But if you want to see young boys shirtless for 130 minutes, look no further. In fact, I think the movie went a little too exploitive in that department. There’s a scene when Bella is cold or dirty or something, and Jacob says “Hold on” and just pulls his shirt of fand flexes every muscle so the camera can see. The entire audience roared in laughter. I’m not sure if that was Weitz’s intention. Maybe I’m being too hard on this, I’m not sure. But I did enjoy the middle section, which was mostly the werewolf stuff. I liked where the movie went at the end too, but I just hate Robert Pattinson so much. He should not even be acting. I think he’s just the latest hip new celebrity that will probably overdose on sleeping pills in the next few years.

Fans will completely dismiss my review, which is fine. I guess they’ll get what they deserve. No doubt they’ll enjoy it. I’m just disappointed cause I see the potential in the series, but after this one I’m convinced that the other ones won’t be very good either. Oh, well…

PLANET 51 is a new computer animated film from Sony Pictures. It takes place on a planet inhabited by green creatures, but the gimmick is… it’s just like America in the 1950’s. They have nice small little towns and everyone knows each other. Even the cars are similar as well as the decade’s fondness for cheesy sci-fi movies. An alien who works at the local planetarium named Lem is kind of a loser who loves the girl next door (literally), Neera. But she likes some hippie loser named Glar. Meanwhile, a spaceship lands, bringing to the planet Human astronaut Captain Charles T. Baker. The alien government thinks he’s hostile and tries to capture him. But Lem becomes friends with Baker and the two have an adventure (along with assorted zany sidekicks), trying to get the astronaut back to his ship.

The story is simple enough, so there were many ways the filmmakers could have taken it. Unfortunately, they decided to go the SHREK route. Which means lots of voice mugging from the characters, lots of uninspired slapstick, and contains more pop culture references than your average VH1 show. There is an audience for it, but I loathe these types of movies. I even hated every SHREK film.

The most important thing about making these movies work is having great characters, which this movie has none. Lem is such a pill that he’s not enjoyable at all. Dwayne Johnson as the astronaut is extremely annoying. His character isn’t very smart, in fact he admits that he got the job based on his looks alone. Not very admirable, and he doesn’t really change all that much. He’s egotistical and obnoxious. I’m sure they were trying to get humor out of his character being a fish out of water, but when he says lines like “I’m on Facebook!” after a group of elderly alien ladies throw tea cups at him, I gave up! In five years, no one’s gonna even remember Facebook. The thing about Pixar movies is that they make their stories timeless, but this one seems to be caught up in the moment and already seems dated.

Gary Oldman is essentially wasted as the “evil” general. Jessica Biel is the token love interest. Seann William Scott is not very good as a comic book loving sidekick. And it’s Freddie Benedict who wins most annoying character of the week, as Lem’s rival for the love of Neera. He is a loud mouthed hippie who constantly plays his guitar and whose spontaneous songs (which are meant to be funny) are just god awful. It’s only John Cleese who does a pretty decent job as a German accented scientist who wants to cut out Baker’s brain. Also, Baker’s robot sidekick was amusing sometimes, especially the SINGIN IN THE RAIN reference (and my daughter will be the only kid under 10 to catch that).

The look of the film is actually pretty good, and I liked the rounded adaptation of the cars from the 50’s. But these days you need more than some snazzy visuals to make a passable cartoon. The bar has been raised, but the filmmakers obviously didn’t get the memo. This could have been a smart and funny kids movie, but instead it resorts to outdated pop culture references, homophobic humor, and even a penis joke!

Recent films like CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS and MONSTERS VS. ALIENS are far superior to this. Kids will enjoy it, but wait till DVD. And once you buy it for them… they’ll watch it a few times until you buy the next family DVD, then it will sit on the shelf until you sell it at a garage sale when they’re older. It’s not very good at all!

When I saw the trailer for THE BLIND SIDE, I groaned while rolling my eyes. It looked like a shameful attempt by Sandra Bullock to earn an Oscar nomination. It looked so overdone and forced. I’m also not a Football fan (though I have loved some football movies). I was not looking forward to this at all!

This was based on a true story (which I never heard about until I saw this). Quinton Aaron plays Michael Oher, a large black high school kid who doesn’t really have a home. He occasionally lives with friends of his, but for the most part he’s homeless. One day a coach at a Christian school in Memphis sees him and gets him to attend the school so he can play football, but he needs to get his grades up first. Then a hard-nosed house wife named Leigh Anne Touhy (Bullock) finds Michael walking in the middle of the road on a rainy night, and takes him in. Once she finds out that his mom is a crack whore and that he has no where else to go, she becomes his legal guardian. They work on his grades so he can play football. Once he gets on the team, since Michael is such a shy, tender, and sensitive young man, he isn’t very good at this rough sport. But once Leigh Anne tells him that the team is his family and that he must protect them, then he becomes an all-star player. But more problems arise when he must decide which college to attend. I’m sorry. I think I gave a little more away than I should have. But it is a pretty straight forward account of the true events.

The movie begins slowly as we are introduced to Michael. And then when Bullock shows up, I got worried. I mean, she looks and sounds so manufactured. Bullock is virtually attempting what Julia Roberts pulled off in ERIN BROCKOVICH nine years ago. Her accent sounds as artificial as her frosted blonde hair. But once I got past that, I found that the movie was actually pretty good. It helps that Oher’s story is a compelling one. I’m a sucker for underdog stories and this is a solid one. What worked for me was how the movie took it’s time setting up the characters. There’s really no sports till over an hour into the movie. And it doesn’t really feel long either. Because the filmmaker’s take their time with the set up, we genuinely care for the people in the second half during the sports stuff. I really wanted Oher to succeed.

Like I said, Bullock may take some time getting used to, but I eventually accepted her. All of that Oscar buzz talk is nonsense though. She never really embodies the character. The performance reminded me of the work of Tom Cruise. Sure, he’s a solid actor, but never for a moment do you see anyone other than Tom Cruise. Same thing here. Bullock ended up being solid enough, even if it was a manufactured performance. But she’s partnered with Tim McGraw (who resembles a better looking Arliss Howard) as her husband Sean, and he’s surprisingly good. They really work well together as a couple. Quinton Aaron is the heart of this movie as Michael Oher. It’s a quiet and subtle performance as he doesn’t say a whole lot. But I found his facial expressions and body language to be fantastic. Kathy Bates distractingly shows up in the last third as Oher’s tudor, but is actually not that bad. I was worried when she first showed up though.

Director John Lee Hancock does a great job. He shoots his scenes with longer takes than what is normally seen in a Hollywood sports movie. There’s a great shot when Oher is finding out about his Father’s death, and the camera starts off in a mastershot, then slowly zooms in until it’s an off center close-up on Oher’s face. This kind of thought and care that this kind of shot demands is what makes this better than your average sports drama. And if you don’t like sports (like me), don’ worry. In fact, I’m a little hesitant to call this a sports flick because it’s more about a guy who’s had a rough life and finally gets what he deserves. It’s an uplifting story.

Sure, it’s a little corny and over sentimental at times, but it’s affectionate, old fashioned sensibility is what won me over. It’s cliched and Bullock’s artificial performance takes a while to warm up to, but the movie is so well done that I just went with it. Moviegoers that are suckers for underdog sports movie will like it. Those who are close minded about Hollywood will find the very idea of this nauseating. The film snob in me wanted me to hate this, but the unadulterated film lover in me enjoyed it.

There has been alot of buzz about PRECIOUS. When it premiered at Sundance it was called PUSH (same as the novel) but then changed it’s title so it wouldn’t be confused with the awful superhero film of the same name. After the Sundance and Toronto festival’s, the word on the street is that this is the frontrunner to not only be nominated, but to win best picture, as well as nabbing some acting Oscars. Despite it being produced by Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey, I was looking forward to it.

The movie takes place during 1987 in Harlem. An overweight 16 year old girl named Precious is having a tough time at school, even though she’s smart. You see, she has problems at home. She was raped by her father numerous times. In fact, she has one child because of him and another on the way. Her mother Mary is a real monster. Since Precious stole attention from her husband, she resents her. She verbally, physically and sexually abuses her. One day, Precious sees a counselor and suggests that she goes to Alternative school. Once there, she finds friends in the teacher Ms. Rain as well as some of her school mates. She also discovers that she’s good at math and a good writer. But will she be able to succeed, or will her no good, “always relying on welfare” mother drag her down?

This is a very important story. Abuse is no laughing matter. I’m very happy a movie with this very urgent issue is getting all of this attention. That’s why I feel like a real asshole for saying that I wasn’t all that impressed. It’s not a bad movie and on numerous occasions it even has some very good moments, but Lee Daniels direction is the film’s downfall.

The performances are great across the board. Gabourey Sidibe as Precious is terrific. She has this constant sadness in her eyes, but also the heart of an Ox. My only problem with her was that sometimes she didn’t come across all the likable (she steals a whole bucket of fried chicken and eats the whole thing. I didn’t feel sorry for her at all there). Mo’Nique makes a tremendous transformation as the mom from hell. She’s a trashy, ghetto-ass parent. And there’s a fantastic scene near the end when she breaks down, and that’ll probably land her an Oscar nomination. Every once in a while though I thought she almost over-did the “villain” thing. Paula Patton is wonderfully warmhearted as Ms. Rain. Even Mariah Carey (who looks so much better without makeup) turns in a solid performance as a social worker. And yes, that was Lenny Kravitz as the handsome and kind Nurse John.

The script is decent most of the time, but sometimes there would be these really odd fantasy sequences that just didn’t quite fit for me. During a scene when Precious is being harassed by neighborhood kids, she fantasies about being a fashion model, complete with a feather boa. That was just awkward to me, and it did this more than it should have. Another awkward montage is when Precious flashbacks about being raped and then Daniels decides to cut to a shot of Pig’s Feet boiling in a crock pot. Huh?

This is director Lee Daniels second film. His first being the awful SHADOWBOXER. I don’t know how his hands got a hold of this story, but he convinced someone he was the right man for the job. Not that it’s all bad. There are some gritty handheld shots that work most of the time, but he also makes some strange decisions. Like during a scene when Mary is attacking Precious, Daniels uses that really annoying strobie slow motion (maybe to show that this is a bad situation, maybe?). I hate this technique, cause if not used properly it can take you right out of the movie. And that’s what it did for me. Also, during that scene there’s a really weird acapela gospel song playing in the background, and that was downright laughable.

The movie got better as it went along, and I thought the end confrontation was effective, but then the movie just stops with no resolution. Now, I like ambiguous endings but I felt like it didn’t work here. I can see why this movie is getting the amount of praise it is getting. But I almost wonder if it’s more because of the subject matter than it is the actual film. Like I said, the performances are great, but the story gets a little too heavy handed sometimes and the director needed to stop showing off and just let the actors shine.

This is another overrated movie that will no doubt be raved about come Oscar time. Between this and AN EDUCATION, this is shaping up to be a disappointing Oscar season.

Opening at Lagoon is (UNTITLED), a satire on the New York modern art scene. It stars Adam Goldberg as Adrien. He’s a struggling avant garde musician who composes experimental noise, using common things like trash cans and such. His brother Josh (Eion Bailey) is a painter and alot more commercial. His stuff constantly sells to businesses but he longs for the day when his paintings will be featured in an art gallery. Marley Shelton plays an eccentric art gallery owner named Madeleine who wears annoying and loud clothes. Josh and Madeleline are having an affair. Josh constantly bugs her about showing his artwork in her gallery but she’s much more interested in Adrian’s compositions and begins to help him out. There’s also a love triangle that develops.

I’m not that hip or keen on the modern art scene, but this is an effective satire. The musical numbers that Adrian performs are hilarious, and it’s even funnier cause I’ve actually seen artist’s do this kind of thing. It’s not that exaggerated. There are also jokes poked at pretentious art collectors who buy things that are so ludicrous that it really makes no sense. They just buy the stuff cause they’re rich, but they really no nothing about art. Besides being consistently funny, the film also has something to say about artists. What is art, really? Is it selling out when you create something that everyone likes? When someone makes something that is incoherent, is it misunderstood genius? The movie does loose some spunk in the last third, but I liked that it didn’t have a conventional ending.

The performances are all good. Adam Goldberg seems very comfortable as a neurotic musician. He’s got great comic timing. Marley Shelton plays the snooty art bitch perfectly. Eion Bailey does a fine job as a commercial artist who wants to be recognized as a true artist. Vinnie Jones is very amusing as an eccentric artist who has outrageous demands. But for me it was Zak Orth who stole much of the film, who plays one of those cooky art collectors. There’s a great scene when Adrian’s clarinet player goes to his house for a date and we get to see all of the strange art pieces he’s collected over the years. Loved his bathroom, which had a video screen of him staring at whoever is going to the bathroom. Writer/Director Jonathan Parker keeps things relatively simple visually, just letting the actors do their thing. The script is smart and witty for most of the running time.

I think if you know more about the art scene, you will probably like it even more than me, as it seems that there were several specific inside jokes. It’s not the funniest movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s a solid social satire. It definitely works better than some other recent films, like THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS. This was a pleasant, quirky distraction.

And now for the big one! Just to give you some background. I am a HUGE Blaxploitation fan. Blaxploitation films (in case you don’t know) are movies starring black actors in heroic roles from the early to mid-70’s. They were usually low-budget and heavy on language, sex, drugs and violence. Very exploitive and always had a kick ass funky soundtrack. Most people will recognize SHAFT from the genre, but to be honest, that’s not even close to being my favorite one. In fact, it’s pretty overrated. After the first 15 minutes, it loses alot of steam. However, the sequel SHAFT’S BIG SCORE is a vast improvement and has one of the best extended action sequences ever filmed from the 70’s. I haven’t seen all of them though. I really need to see SUPERFLY, COTTON COMES TO HARLEM, SHAFT IN AFRICA, THREE THE HARD WAY, HELL UP IN HARLEM, BUCKTOWN, SHEBA BABY, BLACULA, HAMMER, FRIDAY FOSTER and DOLEMITE. I do really like FOXY BROWN, COFFY, SLAUGHTER and BLACK GUNN. The only one I really didn’t like was BLACK CAESAR. But by far, my two favorite ones are Issac Hayes in TRUCK TURNER and Jim Kelly in BLACK BELT JONES. They are good all the way through. In fact, those get better the more you watch them. I’ve never laughed as hard in my whole life than the first time I saw BLACK BELT JONES. One of my all time favorite movies. Almost every word spoken is a golden quotable line. “Choose money or my honey? Shiiiittt! You can pull out my groin, than not give me any coin! I’d rather be dead than not have any bread!” Holy crap, I love that movie!

When I first saw GRINDHOUSE in the theater (which was my favorite film of 2007 by the way), I thought to myself that they really needed to have a Blaxploitation movie in there. Then, I saw the trailer for BLACK DYNAMITE. It’s 2 minutes of everything that I loved about Blaxploitation. Now it’s been over a year since I first saw it. I’ve been waiting very impatiently for this flick, which I stated was my most anticipated film of 2009 at beginning of the year. At first I heard that the film was going to get a decent release from Destination Films, then Apparation got a hold of the distribution rights and everything went to shit. Now, it’s only being released to a few selected markets and is only playing at the Uptown on Friday and Saturday at Midnight. This royally pissed me off! But let’s get on with the review…

This is a straight up homage to 70’s Blaxploitation. Unlike other parodies like I’M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA and UNDERCOVER BROTHER, BLACK DYNAMITE actually takes place in the 70’s. Michael Jai White plays Black Dynamite, one cool dude who has sex with lots of chicks, knows Kung Fu, and keeps his neighborhood in check. He also used to work for the CIA. When his brother (also an undercover agent) is murdered in a botched drug deal, Black Dynamite begins an investigation to discover the man behind his brother’s death. He teams up with some black panthers, a pimp named Cream Corn, O’Leary from the CIA, a sexy black revolutionary named Gloria, and his best friend Bullhorn throughout the movie as he uncovers a conspiracy that is so ludicrous, that it will have you falling out of your seat, including a trip to Kung Fu island where Black Dynamite faces off with the Fiendish Dr. Wu.

I’ll just get it out of the way right now… I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!! This is exactly what a film geek like me goes to the theater for. It’s a pure joy to see such an affection for cinema on the screen. I loved every aspect of this film that I just don’t even know where to begin. They have captured the very essence of a 70’s Blaxploitation film, from the laughable dialogue to the flawless set design and costumes, to the perfectly funky soundtrack. Everything is perfect! Not only does the acting and story feel like genuine Blaxploitation, even the bad lighting and choppy editing are present. This actually feels like that it was made in the 70’s! Okay, I guess towards the end it does dwell a little into parody, but by that time I just didn’t care. I still laughed my ass off!

Michael Jai White gives a career defining performance as Black Dynamite. He will never, ever, ever be anything else to me. Every line, every glance, every move he delivers is pure Blaxploitation. He obviously has watched and studied these films. He completely embodies this character with a solid straight face. The tongue isn’t really in cheek here, and that’s what’s hilarious about it. And that’s what I loved about those films from the 70’s. They were taking themselves seriously, and for the most of the running time, BLACK DYNAMITE does too.

The supporting cast is excellent. Byron Minns as Dynamite’s sidekick Bullhorn is excellent. He even sings the theme song! “Does Kung Fu when he wants! Has sex when he please!” We also get hilarious work from Arsenio Hall, Tommy Davidson, Miguel A. Nunez Jr.. Mykelti Williamson, Bokeem Woodbine, and Roger Yuan as Dr. Wu. Heck, I even noticed that pornstar Charlotte Stokely was in this, which is funny because when I first saw her I thought she looked like a 70’s chick. Good job, casting!

The script is fantastic! The writers (Jai White, Byron Minns & director of the film Scott Sanders) have clearly extensively watched every film from the genre. I would say almost half of the references in this movie are from BLACK BELT JONES, which of course blew my balls away. The sounds that Dynamite makes while he’s fighting bad guys is directly from BLACK BELT JONES as is a great line said by Gloria “My cookie would kill you”. Even the poolhall looked the same. I also noticed things from TRUCK TURNER, SLAUGHTER, and there was a scene with a bunch of pimps that was straight out of THE MACK. There are many, many, many, many quotable lines from this. Me and my brother can’t stop quoting it! “Chocolate Giddy Up!” “I’m spending more money on bail money than I’m getting tail money!” “Who’s interrupting my Kung Fu!” In fact, if you go to the Black Dynamite website, they actually have a soundboard that has many quotes from the film.

I’m not sure what director Sanders’ style normally is like, but here he has perfectly emulated the filmmaking style of every film from the genre. He shot the film on Super 16mm, which gives it that drab color and grainy look. The shot choices are spot on, and the sloppy editing was terrific. There are also obvious jokes like when Black Dynamite stands up too quickly and hits a boom mic with his Afro, or when an actor really hits another actor and he walks from the picture.

The music is great, which mixes original songs by Adrian Younge and unused music cues from failed 70’s cop shows. The way the cues are spliced is brilliant. In fact, many times the music is the punch line. The fight choreography (which was also done by Roger Yuan) is surprisingly awesome. That’s definitely different than those films from the 70’s, which usually had some pretty bad fight scenes (with the exception of TRUCK TURNER). I also loved how White would flinch everytime he used his numbchucks. That was a nice touch. And like I said, the last 20 minutes get really goofy, but it still worked very well.

I can’t really express how awesome this movie is. I’m going to post the trailer for you to watch, and if you think it looks awesome, then come on out to the Uptown and see it! And if you love and are familiar with Blaxploitation films as much as I am, then you’ll love it even more!

Here’s a quick recap:
(I use a 4-star rating system):
NEW MOON [PG -13] – **
PLANET 51 [PG] – *1/2
THE BLIND SIDE [PG -13] – ***
PRECIOUS [R] – **1/2
(UNTITLED) [R] – ***
BLACK DYNAMITE [R] – ****

It’s safe to say that the only movie you need to see this weekend is BLACK DYNAMITE! Apparation has totally botched the opportunity to make some money with this film. It’s a real crowd pleaser that I actually believe could have turned a profit. But since it’s so different (from a studio standpoint) they chickened out and just dumped it in a few theaters. That’s too bad, cause every person I show the trailer to wants to see it. Maybe they should have hired me to do the marketing for it. I could have sold the shit out of this movie! So…. GO SEE BLACK DYNAMITE AT THE UPTOWN THEATER THIS FRIDAY AND SATURDAY AT MIDNIGHT. I will be at both shows! Can’t wait to see this with a crowd! Oh yeah, that stupid TWILIGHT movie is out too. I would say “don’t see it” but fans won’t listen to me anyway. PLANET 51 is garbage. You are probably going to want to see PRECIOUS because it’s going to get a few nominations, but honestly, THE BLIND SIDE was surprisingly better. And if you want to see a cute, quirky little comedy, (UNTITLED) is pretty good. But above everything else… SEE BLACK DYNAMITE!!!!!

That’s it for now!

Take Care!

Be Geeky!!

And watch movies!!!