The Film Geek’s Weekend Round-Up: 11/25/09
Hello everyone and welcome to the weekend! Happy Thanksgiving! We have some pretty big movies for ya. OLD DOGS, THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX, NINJA ASSASSIN, THE ROAD, and RED CLIFF. ONG BAK 2 is actually getting a theatrical release this weekend. I reviewed it a few weeks ago and gave it 3 stars. Let’s get on with the other five, shall we?
Because the atrociously mediocre WILD HOGS made a bundle of cash, Hollywood thought it was a great idea to reteam that director with John Travolta again for another “Family” comedy. YAY! Thanks Hollywood! You’re swell!
Best friends Charlie (Travolta) and Dan (Robin Williams) own their own sports advertising business. They are still both single and Charlie loves it, but Dan wants something more, though he’s socially awkward with the ladies. We learn that Dan was married and divorced twice. The last one was seven years ago with Vicki (Travolta’s real-life wife Kelly Preston), whom out of the blue calls Dan. They go out to lunch and she drops the big one on him. He is the father of 6 year old twins Zach and Emily. When a ridiculous slapstick sequence involving Vicki’s friend Jenna (the obnoxious Rita Wilson) gets her hands caught in the trunk of a car, Dan must watch his own kids for two straight weeks while Vicki goes to jail for protesting. But Dan and Charlie are right in the middle of closing a big business deal in Japan and having kids around may take up too much of their time. Also, these bachelors have no clue how to take care of children. What a hilarious premise…”ahem”.
This story should have never made it on the page. It should have stayed in the writers’ brains forever. This movie is just a disaster on every level. Most of the humor comes from the fact that Charlie and Dan are in their fifties and trying to appear younger. Jokes like Dan getting a spray tan go on for far too long and wasn’t even funny to begin with. And once the kids enter the picture, we get countless scenes of Dan trying to connect with them, like going on a camping retreat where they play contact Frisbee. Watching people tackle and flip over Travolta’s and Williams’ stunt doubles aren’t what I consider to be inspired slapstick. It’s boring! We also get a really bad gag that has the kids mixing up Dan and Charlie’s medication, so they act real silly! It’s really bad.
At first the two bachelors hate having the kids around, but after one quick feel-good montage about halfway through, Dan and Charlie come around and end up having a great time with the kids. But of course their work causes problems and they might have to move to Japan. Will Dan choose his business over his kids? With family films like this, you have to make the relationship between the adults and the kids compelling and touching. But honestly, the kids are in the background most of the time while Charlie and Dan act like idiots. There is absolutely no connection between them. So besides being incredibly unfunny, there is no heart to the movie. Even that Eddie Murphy family movie IMAGINE THAT, (while not being funny at all) had a charming father/daughter relationship.
Travolta and Williams are really bad in this. I don’t think it’s fair to fully blame them. The material is pure garbage! They both seem to be trying really hard to be funny, but nothing works! It doesn’t help that Charlie is such an unlikable character, who doesn’t really change by the end of the movie. His last appearance has him complaining about killer penguins. Not a good way to wrap up his character. At least Dan has some kind of arc. Kelly Preston adds a little Milf sex appeal as Vicki and she looks great. Seth Green has a rather big role as Charlie and Dan’s junior partner. Now, I love ROBOT CHICKEN, and he seems to be having a lot of fun here, but mostly he’s just really annoying. If seeing him sing Air Supply while being cradled by a man in a Gorilla sounds like comic gold to you, then have a good time!
Matt Dillon is embarrassing as a Cub Scout leader, but the worst person in this is Justin Long who is a father at the Cub Scout camp who accuses Charlie for stealing his wife. He thought it would be funny to talk five octaves lower, but he’s terrible. Lori Loughlin is completely wasted as Charlie’s love interest who completely disappears about half way through. Rita Wilson is awful as she crosses her eyes and acts silly. It was a little shocking to see the late Bernie Mac in this. While not bad, his part is completely unnecessary as he plays some kind of puppeteer who helps Charlie control Dan with a robotic device. What the hell was the point of that scene?
Like I said before, the writing is shit! Director Walt Becker is such a hack. Every scene looks and plays like a bad sitcom. I hated nearly everything in the movie. And what shocked me the most was looking around the movie theater to see dopey smiles on alot of audience members. What kind of pills were they popping?
This is sitcom trash that will probably do well because people like bad movies, I’ve noticed. Just look at how well 2012 and NEW MOON did. I guess it makes sense when you think about how people will also keep eating food that’s bad for them too. These movies are bad for you, but people still see them. Hopefully movie goers will learn how to watch healthy one day, but I know better. OLD DOGS is cinematic shit!
I really like Wes Anderson. I’ve loved most of his films, in fact I’ve given BOTTLE ROCKET, THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS, and THE DARJEELING LIMITED four stars. The one that everyone seems to love, RUSHMORE, was the only one of his I didn’t really care for. And I’m kicking myself for not seeing THE LIFE AQUATIC. Just haven’t got around to it. I was really looking forward to his latest, THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX even when I first heard about it. The very idea of Anderson making a stop-motion animation adaptation of a Roald Dahl book is enough to get my film geek juices boiling. But I kept asking myself if his style would still be evident in an animated film. The answer is, absolutely!
The movie begins with Mr. Fox and Mrs. Fox stealing chickens from a farm. When they get trapped, Mrs. Fox states that she’s pregnant and want her husband to change his line of work. 2 years later (12 Fox years), they live with their son Ash in a brand new treehouse. Mr. Fox works as a columnist, but isn’t very happy. He also has trouble connecting with his son. Fed up with “the normal life”, Mr Fox devises a plan to steal chickens, alcoholic cider and other food products from the three main farmers that live next to his new home. He recruits a cowardly mole, and also his nephew Kristofferson, who is better at everything than Ash, who just wants to make his father proud. But when Mr. Fox’s plans go sour, he and his animal friends must band together to outwit the farmers.
This is a really hard movie for me to describe. Visually, it’s simply astounding. Instead of using computer animation, Anderson decided to use stop-motion. And not the slick “NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS” stop-motion, but the crude 70’s type. You see the flaws very clearly. Even thumb prints in the fur. For me, this gave it a certain love and charm. Alot of work goes into this kind of thing and in some of the newer animated films, it looks too slick, but in THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX, you can really see the hard work on the screen.
The design of every single character is fabulous. The set design and art direction blew my mind. Every single image is a visual treat. And this is mainly due to Wes Anderson. Even though this is an animated film, every second felt like a Wes Anderson movie. His visual style is still there. How he uses elaborate, tracking mastershots, how he frames characters during their introductions, how he uses subtitles and title cards in unique ways, his quirky characters and humor are still there. And yet, this is very accessible to kids. I was surprised how mainstream this felt without feeling like Anderson sold out. He has found a way to incorporate his one-of-a-kind style into a family film. And the fit seems surprisingly natural. He should be making more kids films.
The voice work is very good. George Clooney is perfect for the cocky and slick Mr. Fox. Meryl Streep makes an endearing Mrs. Fox. Jason Schwartzman uses his usual persona to good use as the neurotic son. Anderson regulars Bill Murray, Willem Dafoe and Owen Wilson fit nicely into the movie. But it was Michael Gambon who I thought did the best job as the evil farmer Franklin Bean.
The script is terrific. It’s full of low-key humor, and subtle adult humor throughout. I love that they found a way to have the characters swear without having them swear by saying the word “cuss” as a substitute. This running joke pays off many times.
Again, visually this movie will blow your mind. Every image is full of wonder and imagination! Here are some things that still stuck with me: a waterfall in a sewer, the way the animals burrow underground, the confrontation with the rat, and blueberry sleeping pills for dogs, that was hilarious! This is a movie that really brought out the kid in me. It definitely feels old school. It feeds off the imagination of children, and the little child that is still in the adult.
I can’t wait to see this joyous film again. There’s so much going on in every frame that it’s impossible to digest it all during one sitting. I hope mainstream audiences give this a chance. It’s like nothing out there this year. Alot of passion went into this movie, and I felt that it was all on the screen. For me, this is the best animated film of the year so far!
I love ninjas! It’s the 9 year old who loves watching bad Cannon films like AMERICAN NINJA and REVENGE OF THE NINJA in me that loves them. When I heard that the director of V FOR VENDETTA was going to make a movie called NINJA ASSASSIN, I said “Bring it on!” I love seeing ninjas throw chinese stars and splitting people in half! I was hoping for a fun guilty pleasure.
Well, you don’t really go to a ninja movie for a plot right? Let’s see if I can find one for ya: Korean pop star Rain plays an ex-ninja named Raizo. We see his back story through several (and I mean several) flashbacks. He was trained as a young boy to be a ninja assassin. It was a hard life. He fell in love but she was executed for trying to leave the clan. This upset Raizo and he eventually leaves the clan, upsetting his brother Takeshi. Also, there is an investigation going on head by detectives Mika and Maslow. Mika befriends Raizo and the two try to stop his old clan from killing people. At least, that’s what I got out of it. It was actually kind of confusing and one of the reasons is because of the constant flashbacks. There had to be one every five minutes.
The movie opens with some bad acting as a Yakuza is getting a tattoo. Then he and his clan are wiped out by a single ninja. This should have been a kick ass intro, but it sucks! There’s lots of gore and blood, probably just as much as a SAW film. It’s disgusting. And that should have been awesome and made me giddy. But it didn’t. Here’s why. Every single shot when there is blood and gore is computer generated. It looked so fake! I love bloody movies, but when it looks like cartoon blood was shooting out of veins, it looses it’s shock value. It felt more like: “Ho-hum, there’s a guy getting his legs cut off. Big deal”. In a movie like KILL BILL, KNB did the make up effects and they were astounding. When someone got there arm cut off, you really felt it. It was shocking. Here, since it’s all CG, it felt so “matter of fact”. And it wasn’t just the opening. It was the whole fucking movie! Every action scene was like that.
There was what should have been a mind blowing extended action scene with Raizo taking on numerous ninjas that starts on top of a roof and ends up on an interstate. But the camerawork and editing are so sloppy that you can’t tell what’s going on. I hate it when Hollywood tries to emulate an Asian martial arts film. Instead of pulling the camera back and using mastershots to see the awesome choreography, everything is filmed so close that you can’t tell what’s going on. The filmmaker’s didn’t take the time to watch martial arts films from overseas to see why those movies work as well as they do.
And even if the action scenes were well done, the story wasn’t compelling at all. I didn’t care about any of the characters. The structure was clumsy and awkward. The whole storyline involving Mika and Maslow was so dull. Every time it went to this storyline I wanted to take a nap. Talk about boring characters. Also, we don’t get a good sense of the relationship Raizo and Takeshi had, so when they have their “big” confrontation at the end, I felt absolutely nothing.
The acting is pretty awful. I thought Rain showed promise in the underrated SPEED RACER, but he has no charisma as Raizo. He makes a lousy hero. His line delivery is terrible. Naomie Harris, whom I thought was awesome in 28 DAYS LATER, is shockingly boring as Mika. Ben Miles as Maslow felt like he belonged in STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN LI. Rick Yune is wasted as Takeshi. The only nice thing I can really say about this movie is that it was cool to see Sho Kosugi as the head of the evil ninja clan. I first saw him in ENTER THE NINJA when I was 6. He’s actually pretty good in this, and seeing him fight again was nostalgic. But then again, the fights were poorly filmed and had that horrible CG blood.
I have to talk about that again. Why in the world would you use CG blood. Sure, I’ve seen it used effectively before. ZOMBIELAND used it on occasion, but not all the time. It’s used to frequently here that you kind of become numb to the violence. The gore becomes boring. By the time the 84th character lost a limb, I was picking the lint off my pants. I just didn’t care.
Director James McTeigue was accused of having the Wachowski brothers direct alot of V FOR VENDETTA. That he was heavily influenced by them on the set. I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but after seeing his second feature, I’m starting to think that it might have been the case. He shows none of the talent that was evident in his first feature. It’s sloppy filmmaking.
There are going to be people that will like this just because the violence is so over the top. Hey, I love that sort of thing. But not when the blood looks like it was colored in with a magic marker in every frame. I guess some people will accept the CG gore, but I would rather have the real thing. Obviously, not the real thing, but real makeup and props and stuff like that. Practical effects will always look better to me.
NINJA ASSASSIN missed a golden opportunity to be this year’s guilty pleasure. I overuse this word alot, but I’m going to say it again. It’s garbage! Below is a review for John Woo’s RED CLIFF. Go read that one!
THE ROAD has been delayed for over a year, and there have been alot of rumors going around as to why. I recently read in an interview with director John Hillcoat that they weren’t ready. They just finished filming in August of 2008 and weren’t going to have enough time for post-production. The film was ready by summer of 09, but the Weinsteins felt that this was more of a Fall movie. Now, after a year of waiting, we finally get it!
Based on the novel by Cormac McCarthy, THE ROAD is a post-apocalyptic tale about a father and his son surviving the grim day-to-day life. For some unexplained reason (it could’ve been a natural disaster or it could have been war) the world has pretty much died. No electricity, food ran out, buildings have decayed, and there aren’t many people left. And the ones that are left fight each for food and shelter. Viggo Mortensen and his son travel from town to town as they look for food. They have been doing this since the boy was a baby. In fact, he has never known the world as his father knew it. We discover through dream sequences and flashbacks that Mortensen’s wife was so depressed that she didn’t want to go on living, and deserts her family. The man and boy encounter various strangers, not trusting anyone. The reason to be so careful is that there are groups of cannibals that rule alot of the land. They will rape and eat you! Armed with only a revolver, Mortensen intends on keeping his son alive for as long as possible.
This is one grim movie. Director Hillcoat (who made the excellent and equally dark western, THE PROPOSITION), does a great job establishing the mood right away. It opens with beautiful nature shots, then Viggo wakes up into this nightmare of a world. There’s not too much dialogue throughout, which worked so well. I loved that the movie takes it’s time as you witness the destruction of the world by seeing wasted landscapes. The chemistry between the man and his son is so real, so raw, so natural that it immediately gets you involved. You really don’t want anything bad to happen to these characters, but at the same time you know that danger surrounds them. This really makes the tension almost unbearable through the running time.
When we see the cannibals attack, it’s scary. It’s scary because they’re not monsters. They’re not goofy looking people. They look rather normal and for that reason alone makes them frightening. These bad guys could be anybody. So when they run into strangers, the characters (and the audience) don’t know if they can trust them or not. You can’t distinguish who is good and who is evil. And that’s what rings so true.
The movie is extremely bleak, but I don’t think I walked out of the movie feeling completely down. There is just enough of a glimmer and hope in this movie that keeps it from being a complete downer. But the trailers and TV spots make this look much more inspiring than it is. It’s a hard, dark movie! And I loved every minute of it.
Viggo Mortensen gives one of his best performances to date. But, I’ve always been a fan of his ever since I saw him as Lalin in CARLITO’S WAY. He’s fantastic in this. He really captures the raw intensity and desperation of a man trying to protect his son from the horrors of this nightmare world. Equally good is Kodi Smit-McPhee as Viggo’s son. He is more trusting than his father, which is both a blessing and a curse. Both of these actors have some pretty emotionally grueling scenes and they pull them off 100%. Charlize Theron isn’t in it all that much but she packs an emotional wallop during her limited screentime. Robert Duvall is excellent in an extended cameo as an old man trying to get by in the world. Guy Pearce is also very effective in a small buy key role.
This movie isn’t easy to sit through. It really challenges you emotionally. But I found it quite rewarding. Being a father myself, I related alot to this as I constantly thought about how I would react to this situation. And it’s not all depressing. They are glimmers of hope hidden away throughout. I really liked the scene of the boy drinking his first can of Coke. Just think about that for awhile. About being born without ever experiencing things like soda pop and nachos. And then being exposed to it for the first time when you’re 12. That would be a real treat.
Now being a sort of genre movie, THE ROAD could have easily taken the easy way out by inserting pointless action scenes throughout, but instead it focuses on the relationship between the father and son. It definitely more of a realistic approach. It helps that Hillcoat is also an excellent filmmaker and his direction is top notch. Every movie is filled with subliminal tension. I’m not sure how this will compare with the novel, but as a stand alone feature film, I found it a very compelling story full of haunting images and tension filled moments. Believable and relatable characters stuck in a nightmare of a situation.
For those of you that love a challenging movie that doesn’t take the easy way out. Then you will love THE ROAD, one of the most unforgettable movies of the year!
Remember when John Woo was a pretty big deal? He kind of went away, didn’t he? I haven’t seen that many movies of his, like A BETTER TOMORROW or his most recent film PAYCHECK. I love THE KILLER and HARD BOILED. I even liked most of his American films like HARD TARGET, BROKEN ARROW and FACE/OFF. I didn’t like MISSION IMPOSSIBLE II or WINDTALKERS though. After nearly 2 decades, Woo has returned to Asia to make a huge epic about the China Dynasty. In fact, the epic was so huge that it was released as two films in Asia, both running almost two and a half hours. For the American release it has been edited down to just one picture running just under two and a half hours. That means over two hours have been cut. I was really worried about this and was expecting the movie to be pretty incoherent. But much to my surprise, most of it made sense.
The plot is so complex that I don’t even know if I can explain it. In short, it involves two clans in ancient China fighting each other. Lio Bei’s clan are the good ones and Cao Cao’s are the bad ones. There are numerous characters on each side, and even a few love stories. I found the plot very compelling and the characters colorful and likable. The movie opens with a really impressive battle. Then it spends about an hour setting things up. Then another battle. The last half sets up what ends up being a huge epic battle. Every battle is more elaborate than the last.
Woo does such a good job cheorgraphing every fight and setting up every shot. His style is very evident here. It’s a visual feast to look at. All of the actors do a great job. My only complaint is that there was a subplot involving a woman spy that didn’t feel complete. I read that these were some of the scenes that were cut, but besides that I didn’t really feel like much was missing. Maybe a half hour of footage, but not over two hours.
This condensed version moves extremely fast, even at 148 minutes. If you like huge epic scenes of bloody warfare, than you will have a blast with this. These scenes are breathtaking and huge in scale. Lots of spears, swords, and arrows flying around. There’s even a great battle on the sea with several battle ships! Awesome! It’s got everything you want out of an epic. A good story and great battle scenes!
Sorry that this review is so short, but I don’t feel like I have a whole lot more to add. I can tell you that I really enjoyed it and can’t wait to watch the extended cut! An old fashioned, rousing good time at the movies!
Here’s a recap of the new movies this weekend:
(I use a 4-star rating system)
OLD DOGS [PG] -1/2 a star
THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX [PG] – ****
NINJA ASSASSIN [R] – *1/2
THE ROAD [R] – ****
RED CLIFF [R] – ***1/2
ONG BAK 2 [R] – ***
This weekend we have two excellent films, a great one, a pretty good one and two lousy ones. DO NOT SEE OLD DOGS! It’s one of the year’s worst! Unless you like crap like WILD HOGS I guess. NINJA ASSASSIN is not good at all. If you want to just see kick ass fight scenes watch ONG BAK 2, and even RED CLIFF is even better. The two must see films though are very different in tone. THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX is a visually amazing and unforgettable family film, and THE ROAD is a dark, bleak, and harrowing apocalyptic drama that is fascinating! Go see those above everything else!
That’s it for now!
Take care!!
Be geeky and watch movies!!!